Cosmic gift

A Meagre Gift

Blog, The Great Work

A dream: I was sitting in my uncle’s car, a car that was not road legal but able to drive. My grandfather asked me to deliver him the bags of oats in the back boot and on the back seat. I started the car but was having difficulty getting it to reverse up the driveway. 

Cosmic gift

Let’s go through this quickly. I’m sitting in something that’s useful but not used properly (the general self). The archetypal wise old man asks me to deliver sustenance.

Looking forward and trying to figure out how to get this crappy car going I see a man walking past the front gate; he stops and walks through the gate as if he’s a ghost. He approaches the driver’s window and says ‘you have to tell them’. I have to tell them what, I ask. Who are you, what are you talking about? He replies, I am you; differently.

Then I say, I don’t understand, what do I have to tell them? And he looks at me confused, as if the question was absurd and said, how can I know and you not, we are the same.

Then I woke up.

I took out my phone and wrote the following in my notes app. The words just came. It was a rather strange experience.

What is our will? Most surely it is the uniting of our soul with the universe around us while still alive. Whether we live in a rural area bursting with life; flora and fauna or in a soul-crushing city which is still full of life, albeit not exactly a healthy way to live, we still see the constant emergence of life that is ever-expanding and ever-present.

We know this, we see this, we experience it but we’ve become oblivious to the wonder and mystery of it. Yet we know deep down it’s there and that we should indeed appreciate it on a deep, or soul level.

What is this? Some call it the silent knowing, others intuition, others yet, the call of the soul. It is our will, our only real choice in this life, to choose to bask in the glory and wonder of existence.

Everything else is futile and ends in death; that is the temporary nature of our existence during every moment of our short lives. But we can cheat death too for as our inner depths come forth and we learn to see the wonder of it all we become what is immortal and even if it is to be just momentarily it is enough for us to know that all is fused together and connections deeper that we can fully ever know and all is, indeed, one.

To end then, if I may be so bold as to offer an exercise. Say the words aloud; I am awake, I am alive, I live in the mystery of life.

Use it as a mantra, as something to meditate upon, as a banishing even…use it how you see fit. It is a meagre gift to you.


The Empire Never Ended

Blog, The Great Work
The Empire Never Ended

Over the past week or so I’ve endured two pretty-horrific visions during meditation sessions, I’d become somewhat ambivalent regarding meditating and a creeping dread had been entering my thoughts and knowing that meditating cures all ills I wanted to re-up my game and get back into it. I kind of wish I hadn’t now.


Somewhere in a hospital in Central/Eastern Europe a girl is born. She is fair-haired and blue-eyed. It is plastered all over Instagram, Facebook elsewhere on the internet by the girl’s parents and family. Her first early years are also recorded for all to see on the internet. Then I see this playing out all across the world with people in other countries doing the same thing with their children. A few years later and this nameless girl has her own social media channels; her parents make YouTube videos of her playing with toys and they are soon being paid to play with certain toys and products. The toddler is her own brand.

I see her as an eight-year-old and she’s being interviewed on television chat shows by hosts churning out content and when she’s of preteen age she’s now in a teen-girl band. A fast succession of images where her band mates and her are in PR-photography shoots. They enjoy wild success over their teenage years, they are mobbed by crowds constantly and they enjoy world fame. But the girl is alone, while surrounded by so many people she doesn’t know herself, she does as she’s told as she has always done so far.

Temptation appears thanks to her fame; drugs, drink, sex, harassment from an over-eager media baying for headlines. She is confused and upset that she doesn’t control her life. This spirals until the band falls apart, this leads to drugs and alcohol abuse.

Her hangers on force her into therapy and she emerges as a swan. Clean and free of the yoke of drug and alcohol dependence she takes on a solo career; successful music albums follow, massive world-wide tours of sold-out stadiums. She writes a book about her life and stars in films. She is a success but still totally empty of a personality, she is what was created; she is not an individual. She plays a part made for her.

She again spirals into more drug and alcohol abuse and abusive relationships. She fights with a lover while both are on a cocaine-fueled bender, he strikes her and she takes a gun. She shoots him and then turns the gun on herself. Her headstone says she was born on August 6th 2022 and died October 1st 2045.


Across a barren, sandy land I walk towards a city. In the distance I can hear Roger Water’s singing his Pink Floyd song:

Welcome my son
Welcome to the machine
Where have you been?‘ repeating ‘Welcome to the machine, Welcome to the machine.’

I see large vehicles like the Sandcrawlers from Star Wars but on their sides are amour and within the armour are solar cells to generate power. This vehicles cross the ground, stopping and soldiers get out where they set up camp and carry out exercises.

A gigantic city is in front of me, so high it touches the sky, streets are replaced by bridges that connect the sky scrapers. There are streets below but they are the den of the destitute, the homeless, the drug-dealers, the pimps and whores, the robbers and black-marketers, the murderers and the traffickers. There is great pain and suffering here; people are numbered, in their youth; they are tested and given careers according to their scores. The pregnant are scanned for ‘defective’ babies which are aborted if illnesses, or future ones, are found.

What rebellion that does exist is stamped out quickly. The state knows all and rules with an iron fist. Suspicion is everywhere, ordinary citizens don’t know who they can trust. So they live alone, either as singles or in small families in giant residential towers. The authorities spy on everything, camera drones fill the sky and public places, even shopping receipts are added to personal files and people snitch on others to obtain additional social credit for luxury purchases like vacations or personal technology; even for better medication.

Humanity is ruined and weighed down. The state rules all as it churns industrial and technological products to sell back to the citizenry.

What countryside there is, is divided into farms, mostly tillage and crops but there are some with some animal flocks. I see large forests but they are quite a distance away from the populace, they are the breathing lungs of the planet and actually they take over whole countries to offset the waste and pollution caused by the grey industry of the state.

What has happened is humanity has allowed an idea to take over. The idea of strength in numbers. Individuality has all but been replaced; people are numbers now, they are roles given to them rather than they learn them or they find them. At first the idea was seemingly benign, people living together in towns and communities would be beneficial, more trade, common culture, common rules and so on. But then people began dividing, the aristocracy emerges and they war for resources. Then currencies were established and to use them credit is charged meaning you had to pay back more than you borrowed. People continued to divide into smaller groups within the overall larger community over the 1000s of years; based on their sex, talents, education, trade, guild, religion, career, sexuality etc. until it became so compartmentalized that the powers controlling industry/trade/government etc. learned how to control people in their smaller groups. The people never had a chance once the ball got rolling. ‘The Empire Never Ended’ as PKD often wrote, ‘it just changed name’.

Again I hear Roger Waters ‘Welcome to the machine. Where have you been? Welcome to the machine.’

People are now faceless, just units in jobs to be exploited. When we began exchanging our time for money rather than our skills it was the beginning of the end. The cities are loveless, they are not supporting life, just a daily grind for the people and their pets. They support only commerce, industry and greed by the few in control and it’s sold back to the citizenry based on the roles the are given in society and their social score.

There’s a belief here; a quasi-fascist religion.
The State, the All, red flags with insignia, like runes but I don’t recognise them.
It’s all about strength in numbers, there are no individuals, all just cogs in a greater machine with their role assigned.
But it’s corrupt to the core with paranoid leaders and police/army/security forces run in cell structures, you know your boss and some colleagues but you are rotated so often for duties you only know your role.
Obedience to the creed of the State and to those above you in the hierarchy are the utmost importance; Group-think and Group-speak abounds. But it is a society living in fear; people fear the Police who fear the soldiers who fear the upper ranks of the army and so it continues all the way up the ladder. This society is a fascist state, run like a mafia organisation.

Now, I see my my hands, my hands are blue glass with 1000s of tiny galaxies whirling within them;
I understand then. We are creators and what we do creates millions upon millions of possibilities.

An immense feeling of love now. The opposite of the city.

The cities are full of people who barely know what love is. They confuse it with duty, they’ve been told it’s the same thing. There is love between some people, some family members who were forced together in state-imposed marriages who found love but it’s not enough. People have stopped loving themselves.
How can they love themselves when they’re forced into work, forced to live in boxes with no greenery around them, no opportunities for actual happiness and not even the stars visible in the sky?

I’m beside a vast forest. The city cries in the distance.
And the trees in the forests moan, these silent and non-judgemental witnesses to all of human history watch the grey of the megacities as they grow taller year on year.

There is hope though; faint.
There’s a small band of cloaked young people escaping the city.
They set up home in the forests and live off the land, away from the watchful eyes of the authorities in the State.
They live free, they marry for love, they learn their roles, there is no commerce, only exchange of crafts and talents. They learn to love and accept themselves and each other.
This is how we stop the machine.


I’ve been quite shock-up by these. I feel like the weight of the world has been on my shoulders since they happened, although I know that’s just a reaction and I’ll get through it. It’s scary nonetheless to think that a future such as those I saw above can happen. The vision of the girl and her life of fame has probably already happened to some celebrities who have been famous since the beginning although I can’t think of any whose life has ended in a murder-suicide but then again, I’m not exactly an expert on celebrity culture.

I don’t really know what to do with these other than share them. I feel as if I need to do something to stop them happening but what can one small cog do against such horror? I’m not sure but I know a broken cog can break a machine for a few hours or a day at best so maybe we all have our role to play and become broken cogs in the machine so we can stop a coming dystopia. Love is gone in the Second Part and lord knows we can all do with more of that around. But, being honest I don’t think a dystopia is coming, all dystopian books and films aren’t really about the future, they’re about now so maybe these are about a sense of powerlessness in the world?

And if that is the meaning then, well, y’know, I can thumb my nose at both of the above because I’m quite okay with being a small and powerless cog in the wider world because all the cogs matter and so long as I’ve got some love in my heart and some to give to those around me that’s what actually matters. Wish the archetypes didn’t have to be so heavy-handed sometimes.


Michael Jordan

Samadhi Jam

Blog, The Great Work

Over the past week or so I’ve been (basket)balls deep in that Netflix programme, The Last Dance. It’s an incredible piece of television, the main story point being that it’s a look at the last season of Phil Jackson‘s reign as coach of the Chicago Bulls. Jackson had steered his Bulls to five NBA titles over his eight previous seasons, winning three in-a-row from 1991-93 and had also won the two previous seasons; 1996 and 97. Going into his last season the Bulls were going for their second ‘threepeat’ and their starman, Michael Jordan was going to retire at the end of the season, as he didn’t want to play under a new coach. Jackson sat his team down during preseason and presented them a document called The Last Dance, knowing it would be the last time this set of players would play a season together and they wanted to go out with a bang.

The Last Dance

Michael Jordan and Phil Jackson

Phil Jackson and Michael Jordan

The Last Dance isn’t centered on Phil Jackson though, as cool as he is, it’s all about Michael Jordan and what makes it such a riveting piece of viewing is that they succeed in making the greatest basketball player of all time into an underdog. He takes everything personally and turns it all into the inspiration he needs to drive his team forward to win games. All it takes is for one opposing player to say something, even something just slightly derogatory, about him or the Bulls and that was all Micheal needed to make him push harder to win. It’s an incredible insight into the mindspace of one of the greatest sports stars of the modern era.

From a spiritual or psychological point of view there are some very interesting topics too. As above we see Jordan struggling with this hero/victim complex for the entirety of his career, he plays it out against teammates, opponents, the media and even the suits running the Bulls at the time. We also see the presence of the archetype of the Father. Jordan’s father, James, had been very close to his son; his advisor, his shoulder to turn to and, above all, his friend. On a trip back from seeing some friends he stopped to take a nap and was cruelly murdered for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. His head of security Gus Lett then becomes Jordan’s father figure and we see the closeness of their relationship especially when he became ill with cancer.


Michael Jordan, Scottie Pippin and Dennis Rodman

Amazingly another of the Bull’s teams, Steve Kerr, an important cog in the Bulls from 1993-98 also lost his father when he was murdered by Islamic Jihadists in Beirut in 1984. As the series plays out the Bulls win the final of their second threepeat NBA titles but it ends on a bittersweet note; the fans and players wanted Jackson to stay on but the suits had made their minds up and even after winning it when Jackson was now asked to stay on he refused. The team fell apart; Jordan retired, as promised. Their two other best players, Dennis Rodman (who’s great craic in his interviews) was traded to the LA Lakers, Scottie Pippin was traded to the Houston Rockets and even Kerr was allowed leave for the San Antonio Spurs. While all this information is being shows to us on screen the soundtrack becomes a Pearl Jam song; Present Tense. Which is a bit of a break for the programme as the soundtrack is almost completely hip hop and rap but, I think, why this song was included was because of this one lyric: You can spend your time alone, re-digesting past regrets, oh. While the Bulls could have continued they’d become the greatest NBA team of all time and there was nothing to regret and no reason to sit there re-digesting past regrets.

Throughout the series Jordan speaks about his belief of ‘living in the moment’ and that there is only ‘the here and now’. Other basketball stars and Jackson also speak about Jordan’s great ability to get in the zone like this; to push out all distractions and to be totally and utterly focused on what was in front of him. Jackson had tried, pretty successfully too, to ingrain this in his players, using Zen and Native American methods regarding meditation and concentration.

Indeed, there’s a man called George Mumford, he wrote a book called The Mindful Athlete, he’d been working behind the scenes at the Bulls teaching Jordan and Scottie Pippin mindfulness meditation although at the time he wouldn’t have used that title as it would have been a bit too ‘woo’ but he did teach them about ‘being with what is’ and ‘being in the moment’. There’s a decent article here about him working with both Jordan and Kobe Bryant. Good interview here too.

No Code

Pearl Jam, No Code

Pearl Jam’s No Code

Present Tense though, it stuck with me and regular podcast listeners know I’m a massive Pearl Jam fan. It’s the 10th track off their fourth album No Code. Now, No Code is probably the most beloved of Pearl Jam albums among the hardcore and nobody can really explain why. It’s weirder than other Pearl Jam albums, it’s not the verse-chorus-verse-guitarsolo-chorus we’re used to. It’s got weird time signatures, weird lyrics, weird instruments, strange beats. This is what makes it great though, it’s a band doing something different while still managing to be the same band. Look, it’s not Radiohead going from The Bends to OK Computer but it’s a band trying something new and succeeding. Much of the album was actually recorded in Chicago too and lead singer, Eddie Vedder is from there and Vedder and Rodman have been friends for quite a while, even Phil Jackson thanked Vedder for putting Rodman back on the straight and narrow when he’d go AWOL.

The final episode of The Last Dance starts off with one of the talking heads saying “Michael’s a mystic. His gift was not that he could jump high, run fast, shoot a basketball. His gift was that he was completely present, and that was the separator.” He says Jordan once said “Why would I think about missing a shot I haven’t taken yet?” We match this to some of the lyrics of Present Tense as they play out the series “Makes much more sense, to live in the present tense.”

There’s another powerful song on No Code, track number three which has a similar theme, Who you Are. While Present Tense is about, obviously enough, trying not to worry about the future because it will always be unknown, while Who You Are is very much an existential song, most songs on No Code seem to be, but this one is about the fact that everything in life has a role. The song begins with a message about why we’re here and what we do:

Come to send, not condescend
Transcendental consequences, to transcend
Where we are, who are we?, who we are

But then the person sees someone worn out by life, jaded;

Trampled moss, on your soul
Changes all, your apart
Seen it all, not at all
Can’t defend the command

He then shows the second person about the chances in life, the things that seem to not mean much but are actually very important, even the wind blowing can be a miracle when we see it that way. And then it ends by implying that even traffic lights (stoplights) have their role, as do each and all of us:

Eddie Vedder and Dennis Rodman

Pearl Jam singer and Chicago Bull’s Dennis Rodman

Stoplight, plays its part
So I would say, you’ve got a part
What’s your part?
Who you are, you are who, who you are

And there we have it, you’re role is simple, it’s to be who you are. True Will we can say, can’t we?

And Jordan knew this, still knows it, he knew his role and lived it in the present tense. Vedder’s long been held up as an atheist but the existentialist questioning in his lyrics over the years have long held that he’s been/is some kind of spiritual seeker, looking for answers as to why we’re here and what’s the purpose of it all. 

Samadhi Jam

Quite a few years ago now he was asked about his beliefs. His reply was quite Zen, he said “All I really believe in is this moment, like right now.” Jordan, as said earlier, says the same throughout the Last Dance, on many occasions too. So here we have two giants of their professions, reaching Samadhi while doing what they were/are here to do. And if they can, we can too. Sure we can run away from our lives and join an Ashram, or become a brother at a monastery but we don’t have to. We can do what we’re good at, put all else aside when we’re doing it and be present in the moment where all else seems to disappear and we’re completely at one with, well, everything. 

This of course ties into the idea of Karma Yoga spoken about so much in the Bhagavad Gita, doing what we do leads to freedom, liberation or Samadhi and it leads to it by doing what we do with our full attention, without desire for an outcome. To put it another way; it’s as simple as doing things and actually doing them and not having your head in the clouds while doing them. Fretting over the past changes nothing while being anxious about the future is, well, pointless, as Jordan says above “Why would I think about missing a shot I haven’t taken yet?” Easier said than done Spud, you might be saying and yes, you’re right, but you’re also wrong. If we try and make it easier to do than to say then we’re doing it properly. I’m going to keep trying anyway.

Be not afraid


Blog, The Great Work

This might be the most far out thing I’ve written on this digital pages, so y’know, hold on to your butts; wubba lubba dub dub etc. Weirder than the Sophia experience? Well, that’s explainable, that was a mystical experience and a materialist would say it’s all in yer man’s head while a more spiritual person would say it was the universe expressing itself while knowing itself at the one time. This article came together while walking the hound and pondering on a question Tommie asked me on a recent podcast; you can listen/watch here; what’s the most synchronistic thing that’s happened to you.


Be not afraidI was caught on the spot and even though the podcast had, mostly, been about the phenomenon of synchronicity and really I should’ve seen the question coming from a mile off I hadn’t spent too much time about thinking about a decent answer. I resorted to the Holy Guardian Angel stuff but I always feel somewhat embarrassed about that; I fluked it really and there’s a bit of, I dunno, Irish-Catholic guilt there talking about it as it’s seen as such a huge event for people chasing it and I just lucked out. The synchs came thick and fast then but they’re almost too personal for anyone else to really ‘get’. Yes, of course, synchronisitic events are supposed to be personal but ones connected to one’s HGA aren’t going to convince anyone really. People who know you might believe but most of them won’t and skeptics sure as Jaysus certainly won’t even entertain the idea that some ethereal entity even exists. Because technically they don’t exist materially even though they do on another level.

While out walking the hound anyway, an idea did come to me and it would have made a good answer, although reading back on this it would have been an answer that would’ve been far too long so let’s instead turn it into an article and I’ll leave you lovely reader to ponder on what this string of coincidences were.

The Secret Chiefs

Way back in March of this year (2022) we took it upon ourselves to try and contact a member of the Secret Chiefs, the White Brotherhood (crap name), the Bodhisattvas of Shambhala; not a correct name but I like the ring of it. Anyway, please read about the Secret Chiefs if you’d like to but basically they’ve a bunch of somethings who oversee the morality of the cosmos and if you want to become enlightened then they can help you out. But they’ve kind of got to take a shine to you too. We were lucky that they, or at least one, has.

Now, since then we’ve undertaken a fair few, could you call them conversations (?) with one Secret Chief dude in particular you has identified himself as Black. In our first session on the day though we encountered something calling itself Simple which was, well, it was kind of like when you go for an interview and the receptionist gives you a bit of a going over before the main event.The Secret Chiefs

If this is all new to you and you’d like to listen to/watch these session you can here and if you’re skeptical then yes, you should be because I wouldn’t have believed all of this stuff until pretty recently but for most people the easiest way of explaining it is that it’s basically clairvoyance sessions, but different. We’re not looking to be told the future; we’re looking for a hand on the spiritual path and this is the job of the Bodhisattvas; to help all sentient beings achieve enlightenment. In our first session (listen/watch here) we asked questions and got answers. We’ve since taken on a new tack of asking less questions and giving more time for answers but at the time we were eager beavers and just a wee bit petrified that World War III has just began.

I asked the following questions, among others. This was during the first session:

Q Do you have any powers of prophecy..? A: Out of order, solution, last night a beer
Q How long more before Putin in court of law? A: You can, Spud, 4 and 7, waiting…

Now, I was pretty happy at the time to hear this. Scummy Vlad was going to face the music on August 4th, or April 7th. Whoop. Well, not really because, of course, this didn’t happen, although August is approaching so, y’know, fingers crossed. But looking at this again can’t we see he’s still answering the previous question? Do you have any powers of prophecy or forseeing? You can, Spud, 4 and 7…


When someone says 4 and 7 to me, it’s 11 isn’t it? It’s as simple as that. But why wouldn’t he just say 11 in that case? Why make it something difficult to interpret? Well, that’s kind of the beauty of these things, you are given answers but it’s for you, and others, to put things together and uncover the meaning of them. I know it’s bad English grammar but I’m going to continue using 4 and 7 rather than the words, sorry, not sorry. It would have to mean August fourth then wouldn’t it? Well, no and we’ll see why and thanks to a few of the regular listeners on the AIWW Discord they pointed out, naw man, 4 and 7 is April 7th. Was something going to happen on April 7th? Q Powers of prophecy..?A: You can, Spud, 4 and 7, waiting…. I had to wait it would seem.

Let’s take a detour though to 4 and 7 or 4+7=11. Thanks to a wonderful new friend I’ve met thanks to the podcast, hat tip to Gene, he gifted me a book by the Thelemic giant Kenneth Grant called Aleister Crowley and the Hidden God. You’ll all know my battles with Crowley, if you don’t, well suffice to say that I like the ideas and goals of Thelema and what it wanted to do but Crowley’s behaviour just wasn’t befitting of a prophet. I like my prophets morally sound and just and kind, like I’d imagine Terence McKenna was or Ram Dass. But that aside he was the single greatest expert on the Western Magic(k)al/Spiritual Tradition. Hands down.


Let’s get freaky then and talk about 11. Our first port of call is the word Abrahadabra. This word appears first in Crowley’s (Aiswass’) Book of the Law, the central text of Crowley’s Thelema. The word signifies the ‘word of the Aeon’ (the new Aeon of Horus) and signifies the accomplishment of The Great Work. In numerical terms, gematria anyway, the numbers come out at 418, the number of the Great Work. Abrahadabra has 11 letters. Also in the Book of the Law, Nuit says “My number is 11, as all their numbers who are of us”. She’s (?) talking here about members of the A∴A∴, the Order of the Silver Star. According to Grant’s book, “Nuit is the Great Outside, represented as Infinite Space and Infinite Stars thereof. We see another 11 there in the two infinites and adding the s’ we see Isis. Nuit is infinite space, Isis terrestrial space, illuminated by the stars in Egyptian mythology.

11 is a number shunned by Kabbalists. there are 10 sefirot on the Tree of Life, the 11th would be what is cast off by the other 10, the unbalanced chaos of the ‘other’. This is the Qliphoth. However, as Grant writes “man has to triumph over these unbalanced forces in his own nature before he can become a master magician.” In psychological terms then we must undergo Carl Jung’s Individuation to “divest the self of its false wrappings of the persona, the mask the personality uses to confront the world, and the suggestive power of numinous unconscious contents” to become our full, or best, selves. The number 11 was of ultimate importance to Crowley as his new Aeon was about transcending what had come before and moving towards an enlightened future.

ken grant, aleister crowley and the hidden godLater Grant writes “The secret seal of the A∴A∴ is an elevenfold star, again the One beyond 10. The word of the law announced by Aiwass is Thelema (Will) and it is expressed in the Book of the Law in the eleven-worded precept ‘Do what thou will shall be the whole of the Law'”.

Now, I didn’t know all of these things at the time and while I’d still have my skeptical head on with quite a good deal of this stuff, it’s nonetheless interesting to note the correspondences that go with 11 and why the number is important in Thelemetic terms. Why wasn’t 11 just said? Well, because I had to go digging into why adding different ideas together (4+7) was important and finding the meaning of all the different connotations for 11 above.

After the session then nothing much happened for a while and I awaited April 7th not sure of what, if anything to expect. Boy, oh boy, some strange things happened. What follows is a message I sent to two friends who are experts in Thelema being Thelemites themselves. I’ve edited it a bit to make it easier to read but I’ve kept it as close to the original as possible:

So in one of the early rituals we were given the number 4&7. I had asked a question about the war…but it was probably answering an earlier question…here they are.

Q Powers of prophecy..? Out of order, solution, last night a beer
Q How long more before Putin in court of law? You can, Spud, 4 and 7, waiting…

So, yea 4 and 7, means fuck all to me but someone points out, 4 and 7 is April 7th
Ole, I thought, Putin’s gonna get a bullet in the head…



Note: On April 7th, the EU and the UN held two important votes regarding Russia’s invasion of Ukraine. We saw a strange mirror of the number 93, a number synonymous with Thelema. The EU Parliament voted for more sanctions against Russia’s government and Russian citizens. In the EU vote a huge majority voted in favour of a fifth-round of sanctions while 93 sitting members either voted against or abstained. There are 751 members of the European Parliament. In the UN vote it was the other way around, 93 countries voted to suspend Russia from the UN Human Rights Council. Let’s carry on…

So, there were those two 93 numbers, the EU embargo and the UN voting and ha, funny coincidence.
That night I went back to read my Bhagavad-Gita book where I left off, chapter 8 to start chapter 9 and it begins with 3 verses…

Note, the Verses:

The Supreme Lord said: O Arjun, because you are not envious of Me, I shall now impart to you this very confidential knowledge and wisdom, upon knowing which you will be released from the miseries of material existence.

This knowledge is the king of sciences and the most profound of all secrets. It purifies those who hear it. It is directly realizable, in accordance with dharma, easy to practice, and everlasting in effect.

People who have no faith in this dharma are unable to attain Me, O conqueror of enemies. They repeatedly come back to this world in the cycle of birth and death.

They about where Krishna tells Arjuna that the next bit of the teaching is the most important, the raja-vidya, or bhakti yoga, which is devotional practices to God which can release us from karmic rebirth.

Note: I admitted here to the guys I was…
OK, (I’m) reaching a little there but still a coincidence…

Then before bed I watched the Dmitry Peskov Sky News interview, and it had 9.3K views…hmmm.
Then when I was going to bed I was thinking about something Dr (not a medical Dr) Stephen Skinner said in that interview in the book shop (Watkins) about a spell/working he did to get things back from people who had stuff belonging to him…
I don’t know the spell/working, I don’t do spells but just thought about this idea of getting something that was owed to me for a while and went asleep.

The Sworn Book of HonoriusThis morning, this arrives…and I’d ordered it before Christmas…I had given up on it and the seller had even refunded me the money…The book is The Sworn Book of Honorius.

…there’s more…

I woke up today (note: morning of April 8th) and with the kids at home sick I didn’t need to take them to school, so I dozed off again and (you’ll prob know from podcats that in this liminal awake/asleep time I’ve had most of my mystical experiences) so I heard this English voice, a man’s voice, a bit posh, anyway it’s always a woman in my things, never heard a male voice before and he said “All that’s left my boy is the conflation of the Holy Son and the Amen Mother”

I told Tommie and he sent me these recordings; in recordings six & seven it sounds similar but I wouldn’t say the same.

Finally then, April 8th, what its significance? Well, any follower of Thelema worth his salt will tell you: The Feast for the Three Days of the Writing of the Book of the Law is observed on April 8, 9 and 10. April 8th was the first day he began writing/channeling the Book of the Law.
All of these things just add up to far too many coincidences and it boggles my mind that so many connected things just all fell into place over a very, very strange 24 hours that I’m still picking apart over three months later.
The Devil, Satan

Satan and the Angel

Blog, The Great Work

Satan and the Angel

“Whenever I want you, all I have to do is dream, dream, dream, dream” … We all know that classic Everly Brothers song, a nice wee song about dreaming about someone you want to have sex with. Here’s a fact about the Everlys, they had a 10 year falling out once because one of them showed up at a gig hammered and couldn’t remember song lyrics. Some fisticuffs broke out and the band broke up for about 10 years. We know history bounds in cycles, so y’know Oasis fans we might well see them getting back together. Actually, there’s little doubt Oasis will reform for huge money in the future. If you can get the Eagles to reform (those lads had cocaine-fueled arguments involving chainsaws) you can get two mouthy Manchester brothers back together.

The Devil, SatanBack to dreaming though, today’s article is thanks to a breakthrough I had after watching some recent Bernardo (Brendan) Kastrup videos concerning Carl Jung’s idea of synchronicity concerning a dream I had involving Lucifer and some dallying with an angel called Yahahel (Iahhel in some guides).

At the time of the dream I had been going through a period of a few weeks of mini-awakenings. I’ve not had any ground-breaking massive awakening experiences in a while; I’m not too confident of them every happening again I can’t shake a feeling that the big ones are done now and it’ll just continue to be smaller ones as I continue on up that  Rudolf Steiner idea of an upward spiral. I’m not too convinced on full realisation either; I’m lucky enough to be able to tap into non-daulity now just by calling it up but I don’t believe that it will always there. It is always there but only when called upon, it’s not always always there. I don’t think it is always always there for anybody. How in the name of God would you be able to drive a car if you were always in a state of non-duality? Badly, badly is the answer.


So there I was and these mini-awakenings were happening. But let’s examine them, or at least give examples of what I mean. Basically, they are becoming aware of a shadow that has lingered for a long time concerning some prior issue and the awakening involves realising why a situation unfolded in the way that it did. Nine times out of 10 it’s because you’ve reacted in the way you did at the time because of some false bias that clouded your thoughts on it and you acted out in an archetypal manner rather than in a more moral or ‘truer’ manner.

It’s like for years you’ve felt you were wronged by someone and now finally you come to the conclusion that you felt that way because at the time the event happened your mind was clouded by anger, or fear, for example, because you were carrying baggage from something earlier or because of some preconceived, at the time, projection you were putting on to the other person involved in the event. It’s a lovely little feeling that something can just be chalked off and you can say to yourself, ah that’s why that happened in that way. And then you can spend a moment on it because you’ve learnt something new and hopefully can take this new information onboard and continue to become a more moral, just and overall sounder person.

I was going through a few of these events anyway and then one night I had a very, what can I saw, epic dream. I use that word with trepidation because it’s been ruined by gamers and content creators and the like but it was epic in the true sense of the word, at least the true sense when it’s taken as an adjective; heroic.Wieliczka Salt Mine, Poland

I found myself in a cave, a massively, deep chasm within a cave very, very far down beneath the earth. I felt puny, absolutely tiny but I also felt ready for a fight. This was going to be a boss battle and it had to be won. But who and where was the boss? It was dark as hell but there was something in the cave walls that caused it to glitter, it was salt. Just like the famous Wieliczka Salt Mine just outside Krakow where you can literally lick the walls and taste salt. And yes, of course I did that when the tour guide suggested it, as usual the only idiot who would and then he asked me to think about how many 1000s of people had done the same thing. Not to worry he said, the salt will have killed the germs. Thanks Pawel. Wieliczka is awesome though, if you’ve ever around Krakow do visit it. So here I was in a dark, cavernous scary cave with walls that sparkled. I was waiting. Waiting and waiting and waiting but knowing something threatening was going to show up.

Big, Scary Satan

From my right side the cave began to shake and boulders began to break away from what would be the ceiling and just like that scene in the first Hellboy film, shockingly enough called Hellboy, where his horns are growing back and he’s devilish and scary as Hell… it was something like that and this huge, gigantic beingemerged from the ground as the ground grew higher and higher and I was just standing them, mouth agape and feeling terrified. When the cave finally stopped shaking there he was, the hideous Dark Lord himself, Satan was staring at me.

I lost the plot. Like an angry terrier barking at a pitbull even though there’s a gate between them, I wasn’t going to show this son-of-a-bitch I was scared even though I very much was. So I just tore into it, giving him a ton of abuse, I want nothing to do with you ya cunt, fuck off ta fuck and get the fuck away from me. I don’t want anything to do with you ya prick, fuck off and leave me alone. Suck my fucking dick. Ya get the picture, I’m not 100% sure of what I said in my dream but it was along those lines. And then he was gone.

Fast forward then a few months and the mini-awakenings were still happening but not so often and I was getting, well, a little bored of meditating and nothing much happening, no major breakthroughs no bliss events or the like so I wanted to speed things up a bit. I was ready and waiting for my next big one, even though I’d said to myself there wouldn’t be anymore big ones but sure why not try and give it a push anyway.

The Angel

Shem Talisman from the 72 Angels of Magick by Damon BrandEnter Yahahel. Yahahel, or Iahhel in some books/guides has the talent of ‘to Obtain Wisdom and Knowledge’ and that’s what I was after. The wisdom and knowledge that comes with awakening experiences. He’s one of the 72 angels of the Shem HaMephorash. So I followed a daily ritual to ‘work with him’. It was pretty easy, say a prayer, look at a sigil, more prayers, another sigil, ask for what you want and then meditate. Easy-peasy. I’ve done these things before and they work. I don’t know why or how but in my experience they do and in the first few days you will feel the presence and receive the answer. Oh boy did I receive an answer.

I was mentally slaughtered. I went through one of the most intense times of mental turmoil I’ve ever experienced. And I’ve been depressed and suicidal before, quite a few times but this was different. This time it wasn’t physically, I wasn’t lethargic or grumpy or sad or miserable, this time my head was just wrecked with thoughts of how fucking terrible a person I am. Just a worthless, useless, loveless, unlovable, horrible piece of shit of a waste of human life. This went on for days and days and days and then a few more days. It was pure, mental anguish. And what was so weird about it was that everything outside of my mindspace was cushty. Love life and marriage was fine, kids; fine, work; fine, family relationships; fine, money; fine, physical health; fine. It was just my mind was awash with these thoughts of self-loathing and that’s where the issue was. I felt physically ready and grounded enough to try to fast forward a ‘big’ awakening event but Yahahel put me in my place and said, hey-ho boyo, your mind isn’t ready yet and there’s work to be done. I needed to learn to love myself and accept myself and while I’d thought I’d done most of that years ago in therapy they were right, I wasn’t there.

Bernardo Kastrup’s Awesomeness

This was all a few months ago now and recently we tackled the issue of what synchronicity is on a recent episode of TaSTA. For my research into it I dug into what I thought would be the best book on it; Bernardo Kastrup’s Decoding Carl Jung’s Metaphysics. My thoughts being that sometimes it’s better to read the book about the person’s thoughts rather than the person’s own thoughts. It’s a great book and it’s all explained very well. I’m a huge fan of Mr Kastrup and really enjoy listening to/watching his interviews on YouTube.

Why God needed Satan

In one of those interviews he talks about the idea of why Satan came into being and why God needed him to be a thing so that Adam and Eve would fall from the grace. Let me try to summarise it quickly knowing that this article is quite long already. Carl Jung believed (knew?) that God isn’t conscious, i.e. he has no self-reflection. We, his tools on this plane of existence, are the ones with self-reflection and by self-reflection He learns more about Himself. Now these are Christian terms of course but I’d rather think of it as the universal consciousness learning about itself rather than a beardy dude in the clouds. So by us being good, moral, just and wise it learns from us but we also have to play our part by actually self-reflecting and trying to better ourselves.

Satan’s role was he was the instigator in this, he was the one that gave us the choice of self-reflection and God created him so that this would happen. God couldn’t just make us self-reflective, He isn’t so he needed something else to give us that choice. Adam and Eve had always been naked in the Garden of Eden but after eating the fruit from the Tree of Life, and sinning, the now knew they’d sinned meaning they had the ability of self-reflection so now they knew they were naked and they felt shame.

Kastrup says in the interview that Satan ‘calls you on your bullshit’. He’s the one who tempts us because he makes us self-reflect, he makes us weigh up options and tempts us to go with either what best suits our animal instincts or our moral ones. With this archetypal Satan appearing in my dream surely this is what was going on. I, the hero, waiting for battle (a massive projection that I see now) and this thing looking at me calling out my bullshit (my desire to take on something evil and scare it even though it has the power of all the evil in the world while all I could do was swear at it). But hey, at least I didn’t back down.

So, Satan was calling me on my bullshit, giving me a choice between going with the option that’s best for me on my animal instinct level and a ‘higher’ more moral choice; to be a better person or to give in to fear. In my dream I obviously gave in to fear. I didn’t see it at the time obviously, I only see it now, all these months later. Yahahel did the same, basically letting me know that there’s still an a wounded child in there and indeed, in writing this article it’s just come to me that that archetype of the wounded, inner child has been appearing for quite a while now so my next mission is to help him work it out.

Black of the Secret Chiefs, Monday 13 June 2022

Blog, The Great Work

On Monday 13th June 2022, we again contacted Black of the Third Order, the Secret Chiefs, the Bodhisattvas, the White Lodge. Tommie and I enlisted the help of our good friend Nuggan, Jason as his Mammy knows him, to act as the in-between. He’s hooked up to a radio sweeping quickly through stations and repeats the words he can make out. He’s blindfolded and cannot hear out questions or comments.

What’s going on in the World?

Monday 13th saw 1000s of people fleeing their homes across the Western United States as wildfires raged and ranged from California to New Mexico. Already this year has seen double the 10-year average for forest fires in the US but still we have people who believe that climate change is a hoax. It’s a strange old world we live in, even as the planet literally burns people won’t accept the fact that we’re living in dangerous times. 

Boris vs Ireland

In Ireland and the UK the idiotic gombeens at the Conservative Party have decided that they want to break an international treaty with the EU regarding Brexit and the Belfast/Good Friday Agreement because, well, to be honest there isn’t really a good reason as to why they’re doing it. Head bottle-washer and all-round hapless buffoon Boris Johnson said ‘it’s not a big deal’ while the people on the island of Ireland are terrified that it can lead to a resumption of fighting between Nationalist and Unionist paramilitaries. Boris Johnson is a fool

The issue comes down to this; the British agreed that Northern Ireland could stay in the EU Customs Union (CU) since Northern Ireland (NI) has a land border with the Republic of Ireland; if the Nordies hadn’t been allowed to stay in the CU this would have meant border checks at all 300 border crossing along 499km of the border. No doubt the British wouldn’t have bothered providing staff for such an undertaking and we’d have seen British Army soldiers on Irish soil. Again. Nobody wants that. So, because NI is allowed to stay in the CU that means, thanks to Brexit, that a whole load of paperwork is needed for Scottish, Welsh and English firms when exporting to Northern Ireland and vice versa. 

Northern Irish firms need no such paperwork when exporting to the EU, none more than other EU exporters anyway. The Conservatives don’t like this even though 61% of Northern Irish voters voted against Brexit and didn’t want it. So, now they’re being forced to take the British Hard Brexit. Why? Well, the Unionist Party, (made up of those who want to be British even though were born on an island that isn’t and has never been British) who recently, for the first time since Northern Ireland has had a parliament, lost their majority in said parliament, are looking to appease their hardliners and have the same ball-breaking Brexit as their English cousins even though Northern Ireland’s economy has actually done quite well out of Brexit. Sinn Fein, the party of the (mostly-Catholic) Nationalists who won the majority don’t see an issue. Oh, and of course because the Unionists didn’t win the last general election they’re refusing to go into power with Sinn Fein even though they democratically lost. Even though everything would be run in a ‘power-sharing way’ because y’know, it’s effing complicated up North.

If you understood all that I congratulate you but we can sum it up in a word; clusterfuck. Politicians in Dublin have said that relations with the UK i.e. the Conservatives, are at their worst point since Ireland became an independent nation (this includes the Anglo-Irish Economic War of the 1930s). The fact the Conservatives even see it as a non-issue is outrageous and while they’re happy to send arms to Ukraine (for a fee obviously; British governments will sell arms to anyone and everyone) under the pretence that they’re helping a country defend their right to exist and the consensus of the people they don’t actually give a flying fuck about the consensus of the people of Northern Ireland and/or Ireland and/or even their own country/countries. Yea, one word; clusterfuck. 


Speaking of Ukraine, the battle for Sievierodonetsk rages as the Russian invaders now hold the upper hand and have pushed back the Ukrainians to the outskirts of the city. Here’s the thing about that, to the West of the city are on the other side now of a deep river and they’ll have the high ground meaning they’ll be able to snipe their way back in as they slowly but surely pick off the Orcs. It turns out that over the past few days that Sievierodonetsk is somewhat of a symbolic battle for Russian dictator Vladimir Putin as it was one of the last Ukrainian cities to declare for Ukraine. Over the coming days and weeks we’ll likely be looking at the battle for Kherson in the South of the country as the natives move on retaking the city and taking on their largest counter-offensive mission of the war so far. Sievierodonetsk may well turn out to be another Mariupol; a battle that takes up Russian resources so Ukraine can strike elsewhere.

In Australia a newspaper writer (I wouldn’t call them a journalist) apologised to Australian actor Rebel Wilson for outing her as being gay as the publication in question featured an article of the Bridesmaids star along with a photo of her and her girlfriend. They took down the article. What a strange world we live in that someone can’t have the privacy of their lovelife respected. Do people really want to know this stuff? Ask people and they’ll say no but it’s still the kind of nonsense that makes up quite a high amount of the content in raggy magazines you’ll find in waiting rooms. And the Daily Mail, which isn’t good enough to be used as a rag.

The Third Order

This was the state of the world we found ourselves in when we contacted Black once again. We had some questions we needed answering and they were somewhat to do with the recent Ultraterresitial Hunt/Ritual which although went kind of well; something didn’t sit right. First of all there were two, even three distinct entities, and in the first session it was quite creepy and, well, a bit of a dick. In the second one it was mostly one voice and then another came in and it really didn’t seem to like one of us taking part.

Now this led to us doing some soul searching and really we want to find the best way to speak to these entities without annoying them. I’ve to take much of the blame here as for the questions for the Ultraterresitial Hunt I submitted the majority of them as I was keen to know all about this Indrid Cold character and why he’d ‘been abandoned by the Third Order’ as the case was made in Hellier. More questions about Hellier and connected issues followed but it seems the Third Order are only interested in awakening humanity, which is a tough ask as it is so they’ve not all that bothered about ‘material’ things. Still though, who better to ask about an issue regarding the supposed Third Order than the Third Order? I really don’t know the answer other than; the Third Order.

The point to remember though is if you’re going to be contacting the Third Order, the Bodhisattvas maybe it’s best to ask them questions about those things. Lesson learnt.

We chose as well, to stop butting in with questions to allow whatever it is that’s speaking through Jason to speak so we elected to do three sessions, 10 minutes of an intro, three questions with five minutes allocated for each answer and then a closing 10 minutes. 

Here’s the transcript and you can listen along to it (without the silences) here.

Tommie: We would like to call in BLACK who is part of The Secret Chiefs, of the Great White brotherhood, Bodhisattvas of the planet, who previously told us that we could call on him.

Jason: Hey guys.

Tommie: Hi, how are you?

Jason: I’m coming in hot.

Tommie: What our intention today is to–

Jason: It’s funny, to be doing this.

Tommie: Okay, why is that?

Jason: Are you ready?

Tommie: Hope so. Our intention today, BLACK, is to each ask a question, including the question from Jason himself.

Jason: Nothing strange, please.

Tommie: Okay. That’s fair enough. We actually as much as possible, want to leave it open-ended and leave it over to you to talk more, rather than us constantly interrupting you because as you can see already, I’m doing it! And so just to kind of very–

Jason: Okie, dokie!

Tommie: We’re trying our best to find the best way of doing these communications and to not be, I suppose, rude or insulting, or in some way impolite. So please know that all of our intentions are always positive and that if we do in any way cause any harm, it’s certainly not where we’re coming from.

Jason: You’re becoming masters.

Tommie: Well, we’re trying our best to learn from our previous mistakes. And we hope we haven’t in any way sullied our relationship with you. So, is there anything you would like to share with us today before we get into the questions?

Jason: Playful. Enjoy. Let’s tune in so we don’t ruin it. Are you getting pretty comfortable?

Tommie: Yea.

Jason: All right. You’re welcome.

Tommie: Okay. Can you give us some feedback on the last session that we had with the being called NOTHING?

Jason: Earthenware. It’s good. Oh, the Master. Thank God for that.

Tommie: As in calling in?

Jason: Finally.

Tommie: We called in The Master today. The Servitor.

Spud: Or Nemo’s the Master.

Tommie: Yeah, Which were you’re referring to because we called–

Jason: Alrighty then.

Tommie: Master of the Temple, or, The Master servitor?

Jason: There are 12 here to talk to you. But this is fine. How is your air conditioning?

Spud: It’s very warm here.

Tommie: I actually got a new air conditioner a few days ago. My wife gave it to me.

Jason: I hope it’s not too much.

Tommie: Well, I have to switch it off when we’re recording, so. BLACK, can you tell us something about the screams that occurred last time, during the last session?

Jason: I hope it’s not condescending really, but it’s approaching the zone of overt philosophy. Unnameable. In the air. What’s the first round of questions?

Spud: Ask him about the Ultraterrestrial thing again. BLACK, when we contacted Nemo- nobody, were our questions inappropriate? Did we do something wrong?

Tommie: Why did it feel so weird after it compared to the other sessions?

Jason: Well, honestly, I’m not thrilled with you. For the company.

Spud: Interesting. Could you elaborate on that?

Jason: Pain. Conversations for dollars – never! But we’ll get back to the prophecies.

Tommie: Okay. And I want to reiterate that it was never our intention to annoy you or to inappropriately contact you, or do something inappropriate. It’s a learning experience for us.

Spud: I want to ask something there, Tommie. Time looks like only a minute or two left. From–

Jason: I am BLACK.

Spud: BLACK, from, the teachers that humanity has had over the years. Is there any particular ones that you would like us to spend some time with, learn from, read their books?

Jason: The one that I asked you for a piece of, you don’t know yet.

Spud: That’s cryptic.

Jason: But it will come.

Spud: Okay.

Tommie: Okay. So, as we come to the end,

Jason: Your credit is good.

Tommie: Time is running out here. So we will be moving on to the questions in separate sessions just to delineate them. So, is there anything you’d like to say before this session ends? We will talk again really at the end.

Jason: Every day, it’s only making the world!

(it sang the words, the world.)

Coming to joy and wonder. A playful song is on us. If you slow down to listen.



Tommie: Jason wants to know what, if anything, should he be aware of regarding the growth towards his next awakening

Jason: On it. This summer.

No trouble for you, and It’s going to be a lovely, heavenly, good development.

Just a sec. The details. Are you ready?

Over and over again. Number four is spectacular and imminent. Don’t worry. Have faith; you’ll understand. According to him, it’s already part of you.

(There’s a lot of music playing.)

Patience, and fondly you will love it.

An invitation. It’s good to find the others. Synchronicity. Yeah, that’s right. Don’t wait until the stranger finds you first.  Have a good chat online with the new friends. It is certain this leads to the next shot.  



Tommie: What should I know?

Jason: Oh, Tommie, everything!

(I’m hearing laughter.)

Will you be satisfied? You’re good, great even. You’ll find yourself. Restrictions apply. One needs to pull together. I know it sounds fucked up.

1 and 2 in safety. It’s a party!

Let’s give you having to deal with the confusion a break. It’s all grand, just back up 100 out of the basement. Erect your soul in the light. Don’t worry about what that means. Just take my hand; you’re going to be proud of yourself.

I just know why it hurts, Tommie, and there is relief at the Oasis. An offer direct.  



Spud: Hello, BLACK. Spud here. Big fan of your work! Regarding my true will, BLACK, how best to integrate it in the wider world?

Jason: Numerous emergency actions are impossible. Focus on today. It’s good.

Here’s one. Campaign, if you take it up. I hope you’re alert and never stop. Don’t stop it, Pat.

(I hear the sound of like children playing like at a playground or something like that, like just laughing and shouting.)

This is the dream. This! Just know it. Just come and join in for these reasons. Down the storm.

It’s good to look out for problems, but you can’t be so vigilant every vacationing day! He will counsel you.

If you call second and come back now we can journey and find new ways to share. It’s not just one thing, but a lifetime.   


Tommie: Well, thank you very much, BLACK. That was immensely helpful and very generous. And it seems like the communication is really clear today. Is there something we did better today than previous the other days so that we know to future?

Jason: (I’m hearing trumpets like, uh, like a fanfare.)

Spud: This guy knows our sense of humor, man.

Tommie: Are you Irish, BLACK?

Spud: He did say “grand”, earlier.

Jason: Might be!

Tommie: Right. Okay. That’s interesting. It’s very hard to know what to say now.

Jason: Good chats with our family.

Spud: Yeah. That was a good chat. Thank you. We’ll all get a lot from that. So thanks very much.

Jason: You’re welcome.

Spud: Yeah. There was something that you said in the first session before we took up the three individual questions. And you said something about a prophecy that you will return to the prophecy. So what’s that in —

Jason: Tune in now.

Spud: What’s that in reference to?

Jason: It’s a fine thing, gentlemen, now. The wisdom- it’s a miracle.

It’s important how you question me. Be respectful, and be awesome. Why wouldn’t I want that?

When it comes to what you don’t think you know – it’s mobile, what the words are, honestly. It’s ephemeral. So don’t worry about it.

It’s here now, our plans. It seems impossible. At no point should this work. But I’m really, really, really fantastically, devilishly, rather than on autopilot, thankful for human awareness, exploration, imagination. That fine thing. It’s important to have it checked. It’s incredible. If you wait.

Spud: One more, Tommie? Because time is nearly up.

Tommie: Yeah. it’s just, he did tell us to wait.

Spud: Sorry, BLACK!.

Tommie: How long have we left, Spud?

Spud: Two or three minutes.

Tommie: Yeah. Because we’d say goodbye too, and all that stuff.

Jason: There is at least… we all in this moment help to boost the signal right now. Your ones too, hold the flame. [You’re ones to hold the Flame?] It gets a little burny at times. I’m proud of you – don’t go anywhere!

Tommie: BLACK, we’re coming to the end of our time.

Jason: Well, that was delightful!

Tommie: Equally delightful for us! As always, thank you very much for talking to us and we hope we can do it soon.

Jason: An ally.

Tommie: Thank you. I appreciate it.

Spud: Awesome.

Jason: I’m never going to reveal the words. I just want some thing good for you. Like children. Cheers!

Tommie: Cheers

Spud: Cheers, yeah,

Jason: I’m really good.

Tommie: Okay. Thank you.

Spud: Us too, man. Thanks for that. Buzzer should go any–  


Reincarnation in Different Religions


Reincarnation keeps making flirty eyes at me of late and I can’t quite figure out why, other than it’s a possible sign from the great unknown that it wants me to look at it. But then again, if all we ever have is just the constant awareness of the now then why would anything need to make itself known to someone for them to investigate it? Indeed, if that is all that we have, and I’ll die on that hill, then we already have the answers, don’t we? Well, no it would seem like we don’t. 

There’s plenty of proof out there for reincarnation. But there’s an even larger amount of proof that it doesn’t exist. As far as I’m aware not a single person in human history has died and come back as themselves. Except that is Jesus Christ but nobody can seem to agree on whether he actually died or not. One theory suggests he and his uncle hung out in the cave for a few days and got high as motherfuckers until the coast was clear and they skedaddled. Although to be totally honest on the Christ crucifixion I’m pretty much onboard with the theory that he survived, went west and taught about non-duality and all that lark and ended up in Kashmir, where he’s buried. You can read more about it here: On a fairly recent episode of the podcast we spoke about a BBC documentary about it which you can listen to here:

The Dalai Lama; sound chap

The documentary goes into some pretty speculative stuff, suggesting Jesus was a Buddhist and this is supposed to account for his so-called ‘missing years’ when he was, the doc suggests, taken off to India and learnt about Buddhist teachings. This, they say, explains the appearance of the Magi at his birth; they knew of his earthly arrival and were sent on a mission to claim him and educate him. Now, that doesn’t sound so crazy when we consider that Tibetan Buddhists carry on this tradition to this day and it’s what happens when every Dalai Lama is born. A child is identified as a born-again Bodhisattva of compassion and they are raised and educated to carry on the line of Lamas. Tenzin Gyatso, the current Dalai Lama, is turning 87 this year and has stated in the past he’ll announce when he’s 90 if he’ll reincarnate. There’s much political heave-hoing over who the 15th Dalia Lama will be, as China currently controls Tibet they say they’ll announce who the next one will be. Nobody outside of China will support that decision though and we may well see a split in the coming years.

So what exactly is meant by reincarnation, well, how long is a piece of string? It’s twice the length from the middle isn’t it? The Eastern religions of Hinduism, Buddhism and Jainism all preach of reincarnation with slight yet important differences. In Hinduism the belief is that we all have an atman and this soul persists after death and is reborn again and again until it attains self-knowledge. This might help explain why the earth’s population continues to rise; we’re feckin eejits that can’t realise we’re all one soul because we’re too busy watching Reality TV and watching people on YouTube playing video games. We are really dumb in fairness. 

The Buddhists, on the other hand, believe there is no soul and no self so while Buddhists do believe in reincarnation there’s no self or soul that’s reborn as there is no self. But you are reborn. Yea, look, it’s a bit confusing and I’m not sure what’s reincarnated if there’s nothing to be incarnated in the first place. Unless everything is an illusion but plainly that can’t be the case as there’s no such thing as no-thing because for something to exist it either does or does not. And everything that exists exists. Duh.

Nothing is Real…man!

Buddhists will say the soul, or self does not exist and while I can see the self not existing, as in it’s a construct we build so we can live as best we can, I cannot see existence as not existing, because y’know, it plainly does exist. And anyway we, humans that is, can only experience about 0.0035% of reality so, yes, ok, while we don’t experience the fullness of existence and it may seem like our existence is an illusion in terms of the other 99.9965% of actual reality you can’t just say that everything outside of our perception doesn’t exist because, well man, it’s just wrong. Sorry my Buddhist friends, I’m all Hindu on this. 

Jainism then is a bit more like Hinduism but you need to be more restrictive in how you live, a life of asceticism is the name of the day there, along with the shared beliefs of Yama and Niyama (non-killing, non-violence, compassion, charity etc.) of the more well-known Indian traditions.

Buddhist Wheel of Reincarnation

In the three main Western religions then we have reincarnation coming into Jewish thought during the middle ages when Kabbalah and Jewish mysticism began taking root. It’s similar to the Hindu thought of a soul existing that leaves the body on death and floats around upstairs for a while before coming back to perfect its work. Some early Christians believed in reincarnation, many Gnostic sects did too. I mean, they’d kind of have to wouldn’t they since their main dude came back to life. But then things get all muddled up when the idea of the trinity comes along and God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit become one being instead of three even though they are also still three separate beings but also one in the same. Yea. Try making sense of that and try sitting through religion classes in Catholic school with priests telling you that you literally have to believe it if you want to live in the clouds after you depart this mad shop of a planet.

Of course, these two religions, and Islam that I’ll get to later all owe quite a debt to Ancient Greek religion and philosophy and the Greeks had a few different traditions that believed in reincarnation, the earliest being Orphisim which was centred on the death and rebirth of that mad craic Greek god Dionysus, Peter Kingsley’s grá Persephone and her auld one Demeter were important in that tradition too. There’s a mighty book I listened to (The Immortality Key: The Secret History of the Religion with No Name by Brian Muraresku) that posits a great argument that Christianity is the bastard child of the Orphic and Eleusinian Mysteries (which is what the Orphic tradition evolved into) and that the wine they drank was some high-octane ergot-infused wonder punch that got you off your chops and you got to chill with the head honcho of the clouds for a bit and have a chinwag with him. 

Reincarnation in Christianity

According to plenty of research he cites, women played such a crucial role in these traditions because they controlled the crops to ensure there would be some ‘spoiled’ by ergot and they knew how to made the kickass brew and this tradition might, maybe, maybe, just maybe have made its way into early Christianity but then was stamped out by the zealots because those lads are no craic and don’t like anyone having any craic. They still don’t. Reincarnation was stamped out pretty quickly too by the lads who called the shots.

Islam followed suit; we have a soul but we only get one shot at being good otherwise it’s an eternity imprisoned in the fiery brimstone of hell along with Satan and his lubed-up pitchforks. What am I saying, there’s no way there’s lube in Hell. How and ever, some sects of Islam do believe in reincarnation and there’s a group in South Asia who perform a yearly ritual where they ask for forgiveness for sins committed during previous lifetimes.  

Celtic Reincarnation

Let’s do one final one just because I’m Irish. The Celts, sure I couldn’t do an article about reincarnation without mentioning them. The Celts also believed in reincarnation, well, of course they did as Hinduism and the Celts came directly from the Proto-Indo-Europeans, and that the soul lived on after the death of the body and after a certain number of years it would return to the earthly realm and take up a new abode. The belief was so strong that money could be borrowed based on it being paid back by your following incarnation. 

Reincarnation in Thelema

Oh, Thelema is worth a mention too as it’s a little confusing. Aleister Crowley dismissed the idea of reincarnation because “The idea of incarnations ‘perfecting’ a thing originally perfect by definition is imbecile.” But then again, Crowley was sure he was the reincarnation of Edward Kelley Dr. (Dr-not-a-medical-doctor) Dee’s buddy, a Russian farmer called Ivan, a chap called Heinrick van Dorn who was into some baddie magic (evil shenanigans), then Count Alessandro di Cagliostro, an Italian occultists and merchant of the craic and then, finally Eliphas Levi. Not content with having a fairly wild life himself, Crowley also had experienced plenty of other eventful ones too. Well, his higher self anyway. Fair play to him, Aiwass the lover of the craic. 

As mentioned above there’s plenty of both proof and non-proof for reincarnation. But the guy I trust on this is the American professor and child psychiatrist Jim Tucker. He popped up again in a recent episode of TaSTA where we were talking about a documentary you can watch here. I’ve seen him now in a number of documentaries and since watching the doc have been reading up on some articles about his work and listened to/watched a good few interviews with him too and y’know, the argument is really, really, really convincing that some children can remember their past lives.

At this stage I’m pretty much convinced in reincarnation, largely thanks to my belief that the one soul is all that exists and we’re all just teeny-tiny cogs in the varying sizes of larger and smaller cogs of the universe and as such it’s a God that experiences consciousness through our lived experiences. In other words, I’m with the Hindus on this. However, I’m well aware that I also want it to be true because y’know as tough and troubling and strifeful and harsh and shitty and terrible and god-fearingly brutal as life can be, it’s still wonderful to be alive and it’s not always those bad things, everything, every-single-thing we experience is fleeting and to have the awareness to experience it fully is bloody magical. So, yea, I want it to be real because I’d love to come back after I draw my last breath and do it all again. But I won’t get to; Spud won’t get to, but the conscious ever-awareness that I experience will and I’m pretty happy I got to experience it as this version of it.

Maybe I do know why reincarnation keeps making flirty eyes at me. There’s something in me that wants to know about if I had past lives, maybe I was an animal before and this is my first go as a human. It might explain why dogs and cats and horses and birds and snakes and turtles and even capybaras all seem to like me more than a fair deal of humanity does, or that’s just a bias I’m showing, actually, yea, that’s definitely a bias/projection. Regardless, I’m curious as to what the soul in me experienced before it was brought crashing down to earth in a wee rural village in Wexford. I’m bloody petrified of finding out too though. 

There was a TV programme on Irish television a few years ago now. It was about one of Ireland’s best-known news reporters, Charlie Bird, a fantastic reporter and journalist and a proud Irish man. The show was about looking into his ancestry and all that goes with that. Well, the look of sheer horror on his face when it was discovered he had English blood in him and not just English blood from a normal lad from say, Stoke or Birmingham, nay, poor Charlie was a direct descendant from an occupying soldier who had been given land by an English royal because he was so good at the raping and pilaging he’d done on Irish soil. Maybe it’s better I leave sleeping dogs lying in front of the fire but you know me by now, someday, probably not any day soon, but someday I’ll get around to it and get to the bottom of who I was before I became who I think I am. 

And anyway, they’re not supposed to be blood relatives. Mostly. Christ, I just know there was  some god-awful redcoat in the 1600s called Brigadier Montgomery Ramsbottom III who rounded up 50 Murphys, men, women, children, auld lads and biddies into a shed and set it ablaze somewhere in Wexford. FFS.

Imagine Being Original

Blog, The Great Work

The most difficult thing about writing isn’t the writing. That’s actually the easiest part. Writing well is obviously a little more difficult as there’s meant to, at least, be some editing involved but the toughest thing, for this version of whatever this incarnation is, seems to be the confidence to run with what ideas to write about. Only really on the days when I’m flat-out busy with the horses or something similar do I not think about writing something. But if you follow this blog you’ll know I don’t post often and that’s because 99.99% of the things I think about writing end up being tossed into the bin, three-pointer, Hail Mary-basketball-style shots of course. And swish ones too. Of course. We all play the hero and the victim at the same time don’t we? Oh, I’m so useless, I can’t write, pity me while I make this awesome three-pointer shot from across the court. 

Now, those 99.99% of my ideas can’t all be bad, can they? Of course not but let’s safely say that about half or even 70% are muck, then we’re left with about 30% of the ideas being good. Why don’t they make it to the page then Spud?

Well, I think I put on a good face but it’s this immense lack of confidence I have in myself and my abilities, mix this in with the overwhelming sense of imposter syndrome among the likes of my occult peers and you can quite quickly see why when I do come up with an idea that I’m toying to write about, I sit with it for a bit and then just think ‘ah fuck it, it’ll be shite and anyway, what exactly can I say that hasn’t been said before?’ This is the same old problem I seem to have had for years and years and years. And years and years and years. Donkey’s years as we’d say at home.

Tommie and I have spoken about this both on the podcast and in private too. I seem to have this nonsense idea that everything we do creatively should be original. Isn’t that impossible? Imagine a world where every song and every poem and every film and every newspaper article was original. We’d only have one love song in each language, or maybe we’d allow one per year? Actually that’s a terrible idea, it would all be done thanks to one of those heinous ‘Talent’ text-in shows that pollute weekend television. We’d have one break-up song for each tongue too. Now, there would be pluses to this. Adele wouldn’t have had a career, not that I bemoan her having a music career and becoming minted but y’know, all her songs are the same so she wouldn’t have made the cut. Unless she’d won my imaginary talent show that it. But messing aside, how can we be original? Is it possible? Maybe the only music on radio would be Jinx Lennon, imagine that world. And if you don’t know Jinx Lennon, well, take some time and wallow in his mighty weird-greatness.

Interestingly, Tommie used to be in a band with Jinx and when I was running the old music website I interviewed Jinx a number of times and went to tons of his gigs. Not a sync but also not, not a sync. 

The problem with trying to be unique and original is that while you quite clearly have ground-breaking artists like, say Radiohead or Zdzisław Beksiński or WB Yeats how original are they? Radiohead still use the same chords and notes and scales that are used by every single guitar player ever. Beksinski painted some pretty weird and scary and thought-provoking paintings but he wasn’t exactly the first to do that, he’s the best though and sure Yeats, jaysus Yeats was obsessed with a woman who barely had the time of day for him and when she did finally give in he gave her the most mediocre of 30 seconds ever given a lady. And Christ knows there’s nothing original about any of that.

I got a couple of cards from the divination bot on the Adventures in Woo Woo Discord today, the Librarian and the Lovers. I’d asked the ether what to pay attention to today. The quick definition for the Librarian is: ‘This Servant shows us the theory behind the subjects that interest us. She encourages us to study, and ever increase our knowledge.’ while the Lovers’ is: This Servant shows us how to love after the lust has subsided. They encourage us to connect on a deeper level with our partners so that sacred bonds are formed.

Christ on a bike, learn to love yourself Spud and get out of your own way. Ya eejit. But there’s more here, when I was on the Discord I was listening to a recent OEITH podcast, the one about our hero Duncan being touched by a sexy, nun ghost in his bed. He didn’t say she was a sexy, nun ghost, but all nun ghosts are sexy. That’s just fact. He was speaking about when the Buddha would encounter ghosts he would meet them head-on with some Metta, or Loving/Kindness and this would certainly fit with the common belief that ghosts are trapped or lost souls who can’t move on because of some trauma they cannot get passed. If we give love and kindness then they’ll surely see the issue isn’t with us and they’ll move on. Duncan could’ve gotten himself a ghost handjob out of it first and then gone with some Metta but sure he’ll know that for the next time it happens. But the moral of the story and the outlandish synch of him talking about Loving/Kindness at the exact same time as drawing the seond of these cards just bangs the nails further into the message of love, love, love.

Sister Fisty McWristy

Let’s reverse to the question of originality and uniqueness though for a moment. The reason we all want to be original is that we all think we’re unique even though we both are and aren’t at the same time. That’s non-duality baby! But then how can you be so low on confidence that you struggle to write yet have the arrogance to think you have to be original because you’re supposed to be unique? Why do our minds work in such riddles? Surely the answer is it’s because of our biases and conditioning and all that goes with it. So rather than trying to shoulder the imagined ‘pressure’ of having to deliver something original or unique the answer is surely to create what you want to and be damned if it’s not original. I’m still not sure where this idea came from – do a Binding on it the Magia lads would say – not that it really matters either way because the fact is that we don’t have to be original to be talented, I mean look at any orchestra around the world, they never break out into a jam session when they’re playing Mozart and they’re all still immensely talented musicians.

There’s one more element that the cards speak to though and I want to be careful with my words here. To learn to love myself means to love all the good and the bad and of late I’ve been having some let’s say issues with family members and because they are such a part of me and me of them then I also have to love that part of me. While it’s hard for me to see people who seem to be unhappy living their lives and indeed entering their twilight years not exactly in great mental health I will endeavor to feed the flame of the unconditional love I have for them. It’s not for me to say people are unhappy and it’s certainly not for me to fix anything when it hasn’t been asked for. It breaks my heart to see family unhappy but as many times as I’ve led horses to water you can’t make the nags drink. And that’s not to wash my hands of a situation it’s instead to say, look man, get a grip, it’s not your issue. Just be there, give love, be a good relation. When arguments starts, be above it and do your best to make good memories before the chance is gone.

I feel too as if I have some kind of issue with ancestors. Be they blood relations or ancestors in a sense of the path I’m on and they’ve been along a similar road. I still can’t quite place my finger on it – do a Binding eh? -. An urge came over me the other day to buy a candle, a bee’s wax candle, don’t use those petroleum ones for the love of God because you may as well be sucking off a car’s exhaust with them yokes. It would look nice on the mantlepiece and a nice way to remember them, even involve them over the Christ-a-mass, as it’s called in Dublin, if that’s possible? I don’t know where the idea came from but since the idea came to me there have been some synchronicities. You know, we’re all someone’s son or daughter and all of our parents have made mistakes and all of their parents and theirs too. It’s the nature of life, we are not perfect, we are not original, we are not unique, we’re not even all that different. We all bleed red and shit brown and the consciousness that experiences the world though my eyes is the same consciousness than experiences it through yours. But, look, we are here and alive and we owe it to the ones who have come before us, and who had it a whole lot tougher than us too, to live as well as we can and with as much love as we can because when it’s gone, that’s it, it’s gone.


Eliphas Levi

What is True Will?

Blog, The Great Work

Aleister Crowley was a scoundrel wasn’t he? Making mad claims like finishing the whole Abramelin shebang on the back of a donkey in a desert; writing pro-Kaiser articles during WWI, y’know, praising the baddies, (in fairness he was shrewd enough; getting coin for being a writer for a German newspaper and as a British informant), publishing a boatload of Golden Dawn rituals he’d sworn to keep secret. Ah y’know what, there’s little point in going into all the bad stuff Crowley did, we’d be here all day and some Thelemite is going get the hump and give me abuse and it’s not worth it. Arguing with a Thelemite is never worth it, they’re like Christian priests, they’ll bring you down to their level and beat you with experience. 

Suffice to say I’m not Crowley’s biggest fan and no doubt by now you’ll know my feelings on him from the TaSTA podcast and either way, it doesn’t really matter does it? An opinion is just an opinion and sure we can still all get along, hopefully. And anyway, we can all admit that his influence on occultism has been nothing short of immense. Arguably he done more for spirituality in the Western world than anyone else previously. A case could be made for Helena Blavatsky too of course but Crowley’s vastly superior output would see him win that debate surely. But if you added in Jesus then, ok, Jesus would win. 

What is True Will?

Eliphas LeviCrowley believed himself to be the reincarnation of a French chap called Eliphas Levi. Levi was an occultist, poet and author who wrote quite a bit about the term ‘True Will’. He argued that the grand purpose of magick was for a person to find their True Will, i.e. to find out what they were incarnated here to do. It’s a crying shame that thanks to the nonsensical, rampaging capitalist society we now live in many conflate this idea with what career they think they should have. More on that later though. Levi was also responsible for popularising the idea of Baphomet, he didn’t exactly invent it but his version of it is the one that has lasted into today and the added symbology and meaning that he attached to it has seen it cementing a home in the occult world. Best of all is it’s not a Satanic image at all, it was Levi’s idea of ‘the all’. Isn’t it mad how the world sees one thing and gives it meaning which totally contrasts with what it was meant to mean? It’s a bizarre world we live in.

To get back to True Will though, there are some quotes regarding True Will from Levi I’d like to have a stab at. There’s plenty around the internet that even a little digging will show you why Crowley had such a grá for the Frenchman. And indeed, it’s pretty easy to see why Crowley would at least have wanted to be the reincarnation of his French hero, they were singing from the same hymn sheet so it made sense. 

“The Great Work is, before all things, the creation of man by himself, that is to say, the full and entire conquest of his faculties and his future; it is especially the perfect emancipation of his will.” The Doctrine of Transcendental Magic.

Doesn’t take much to see what he’s getting at here, the Great Work, i.e.The Seven Operations of Alchemy enlightenment, awakening, individuation, samadhi etc. is nothing more than a person becoming the best version of themselves, achieved by their own doing and it is the process of freeing their soul. I can only speak from personal experience here but I would have to agree wholeheartedly with the above quote about what my experience of the Great Work has been. In the most simplest terms that I can put it into, for me it is; to endeavor to become the best human I can be. That begs the question though, how do you do that? The first step would have to be connected with the accumulation of knowledge, learning more about the self, the yin and yang, the good and bad, learning about our individual biases, conditionings etc, where they come from and the illusionary nature of them and learning more about spiritual practices to stay on the proper track. Let’s look at another:

“Every intention which does not assert itself by deeds is a vain intention, and the speech which expresses it is idle speech. It is action which proves life and establishes will.” The Doctrine of Transcendental Magic.

My spin on this then would be; Doing something that does not prove its worth in the very act of doing it is worthless and to speak about doing things which are akin to this are just a waste of breath. Mindful action is life and it helps creates the real person. Again, aren’t we looking at learning here, learning and meeting challenges? By doing, by creating and learning to create, by loving, by simply being we are living and carrying out our simple, collective destiny; to be. Knowing that we are ‘being’, this is what ‘free will’ is, the choice to know that we are here and alive via our senses and our mind and knowingly experiencing them without identifying with them. Basically, a distancing of the identified self from what the self is experiencing right now.

Finally then what would have to be my favourite from the quotes I’ve dug up from Levi.

 “Everything is possible to him who wills only what is true! Rest in Nature, study, know, then dare; dare to will, dare to act and be silent!” Transcendental Magic: Its Doctrine and Ritual.

The world is your oyster if you act with honour. Rest in nature, study and learn, be brave, be brave to be yourself and just. And don’t boast. Yes, I have to say this one speaks the loudest to me, it’s very stoic and y’know too, it’s something I should be more mindful of. I know too well that I can have a bit of a mouth on me at times and I feel I would be far better served and more in-tune with my own nature if I didn’t feel a need to impress others. Because when it boils down to it, what is an attempt to impress others other than an attempt to impress yourself because you don’t see yourself as an equal to your peers. Rural Ireland left me with a deep love of nature but also with about as much self-confidence as a lame dog coming into his last weeks in a government-funded shelter. 

What is True Will?

To enjoy nature and to learn. Man, Levi, were you alive today I’d be all over your newsletter and YouTube videos. There’s no point in going into my love of the outdoors here, you already know how much I love getting into forests or walking mountains or getting up on a horse, or doing all three at once. As for the learning part, what I honestly find so appealing about living is the constant learning and the challenges. Lord knows I’ve failed a million times at things and will do so again, and again but to learn from every experience fills this old nerd with excitement and yes, there have been plenty of times when I’ve not learnt something for years and years and it’s taken something drastic for it to smack me in the face but eventually it turns up. 

I remember in secondary school, high school for you lads across the water, we were learning about scibes in early, Christian Ireland, reading and learning the holy books and copying/rewriting them in Latin or Irish and that blew me away that you could have such an amazing job as learning and writing. Sign me up lads. I’d be a crap monk though in fairness, randy head on me, I’d be chasing village maidens and missing mass.

ThelemaWe can easily see then why Levi was such a hit with Crowley and far be it from me to say he wasn’t Levi reincarnated. He might well have been for all I know but just from those quotes alone we can learn a great deal from Levi and his ideas about what true will was.

Crowley obviously ran with the idea and even the name ‘Thelema’ more or less translates as ‘will’ and sure isn’t the process of Thelema all about reaching your true will/self?

What I find both cool and fascinating about Crowley’s Thelema is that for the small number of actual practitioners of the religion/philosophy/(can we say cult?) it’s had an incredible influence on occultism and spirituality. Everyone and his dog seems to be in search of their true will or Crossing the Abyss or trying to get a Tinder match with their Scarlet Woman and even with the Tarot cards, Crowley’s Thoth Tarot kicks ass compared to the, snore, Rider-Waite deck. 

But…there’s always a but isn’t there?…you read up on what True Will means to people and they harp on about nonsense like becoming a film maker, or a writer, or an artist, I even came across a video where the person said ‘content creator’. OK, look, let’s put the brakes on the judgementalism here and say, cool, at least these careers are creative. Imagine you undertake the Great Work in the Thelema vain and you get to K&C with the HGA and she turns around and says “Yea, look mate, you’re going to have to change your name to Nigel, get some brown suits and you’re going to be an accountant for the income tax department in Roscommon because that’s your True Will bucko”. Do you honestly think that True Will is a job? As a society we didn’t even really have jobs until what? A hundred years ago? Maybe a bit more if you’re from the heartland of the industrial revolution but I’m from rural Ireland and living in what would be classed as a rural town in Poland. Up until 50 years ago you either farmed some land or you built things and your purpose was simple; live as best you can, with honor and dignity, be just and help when called upon.

I struggled with the concept of True Will for an awful long time, well, not in the grand scheme of things and sure afterall, time isn’t real anyway, but you get me. Tell you what, I’ll put it another way. It was doing my head in. I’ve had all these amazing mystical experiences, I’ve spoken with gods and told Satan to blow me, felt the breath of angels and union with the One. I’ve even taken disco biscuits with Carl Jung, he some chap that lad. But, then to have this kind of grey cloud over my head, what am I supposed to be doing, what’s my True Will? Wasn’t I supposed to be writing books and scripts and screenplays and horsing speedballs into me on the Copacabana by now?

No, I wasn’t. Because if I was I would be doing them all now. And what am I doing instead? Learning and being and being and learning and sharing what’s been learnt along the way to help if possible. Much love brothers and sisters, our True Will is one and the same.

persephone and aphrodite

We Find Meaning Where We Want To, Don’t We?

Blog, The Great Work

ParmenidesPeter Kingsley’s name comes up a good bit around these parts and on the TaSTA podcast too. I’m just finishing up his book Reality, it’s the first edition, I only mention that because there’s a fairly recent second edition and I’m curious as to what’s been added or amended. I had another dream about Peter again last weekend, a more previous one involved him and Rupert Spira renting pedal boots at a lake and then Peter trying to sell me drugs. I was awful disappointed. Anyway, I had another over the weekend but we’ll get to it. In this article I want to jump into where we get meaning from.

Reality is our first port of call. Please turn to pages 288/9 of Kingsley’s book, where we’re told the following…it’s pretty grim, well, it is but it also isn’t. Because it’s Parmenides and he’s always pulling a fast one. Big mêtis head on him, the cullián:

Really to understand that we are trapped, held fast in bonds, that there is nowhere else to go, no possibility of transcen­dence, is devastating. It knocks the bottom out of everything we once thought we knew.

All of a sudden we are faced, inescapably, with the horrifying reality of what before might have seemed such an attractive ideal— the terrors of complete­ness. For in the experience of completeness there is nothing to become. There is nothing else to look forward to. The endless searching is over.

The greatest single trick of existence is to make us forget we are trapped, because then we are hopelessly trapped. When we keep believing we are free, that’s bondage. And paradoxi­cally the greatest freedom of all lies in knowing without the smallest room for doubt that one is trapped, because then the struggling and pretending stops.

ParmenidesThis is all sounding pretty grim isn’t it. If I’d read that as a suicidal teenager I might have been tempted to end it all there and then. What’s the point of going on? There’s literally nothing else and it doesn’t get any better, well, it does but only when you see through the ‘illusion’ that there is an alternative and that when do you see that you just have to accept it. You can, of course, choose to opt out if you so wish. I’d recommend though that you don’t. You’re a long time dead and it sounds pretty boring from anyone that’s come back. Anyway, back to uncle Pete…

And yet all we need to do is to turn our awareness back, at every moment, to its source.

It only takes the slightest shift in consciousness, the sub­tlest movement of awareness, and instead of being bound and helpless we are binding the binder. We have completed the circle, inside and outside ourselves. Then the bonds and boundaries of existence are not in some far-off place any more, at the illusory edges of the cosmos.

They are wherever we happen to be. And we are absolutely free — not because we are free from something but because we contain everything, every perception and thought, inside our­selves.
This is the experience of utter stillness: more exquisite, more full, than anything under the sun.
And so Parmenides leaves us just where we found him, right in the middle of our very ordinary life. Or so it seems. For if you have understood anything at all in what he says, you will have realized that there is no leaving.
There are no comings, or goings; no goodbyes. And there most definitely is no death.

Oh well, thank God for that. What Parmy is really trying to tell us about is samadhi, awakening, enlightenment etc. Being-ness and Is-ness is all there is and I’ve written about that before and probably will again too. Thankfully though Parmy has shown us the truth though, it looked like he was telling us to find the nearest high bridge and get it all over and done with. Noel Gallagher

Sorry that the quote is so long but I just want to show here that we tend to find meaning and attach meaning to the things that we already kind of identify with. You see, Kingsley is going to go with the depressing stuff first, he always does but it’s in that depression that he finds hope. And I really like that about him. Oasis’ Noel Gallagher used to do the same thing in his Oasis songs, kick off with something depressing and sad but find the kernel of hope. Peter Kingsley then is Noel Gallagher. Oasis were the guitar band for people who didn’t normally like guitar music; Kingsley is the philosopher for people who don’t normally read philosophy. 

persephone and aphroditeNo, come on now, I’m being facetious, mean and not very nice. Well, yes, I am but there’s also truth to it. Look, there’s no getting around that Kingsley’s knowledge is pretty fantastic regarding Parmy, although, equating Persephone with Aphrodite in a kind of erotic Yin-Yang, death-vs-sex, all-girl, all-goddess-duality is a bit of a stretch, seeing as Aphrodite was her aunt/great aunt, depending on certain myths and/or also, a rival in love for Adonis. Indeed it was Aphrodite who made Hades fall in love with Persephone in the first place and it all went sour for the poor girl after that. Didn’t Zeus bone her too? He took the guise of a serpent and did, they had a child; Zagreus and then Hera, Zeus’ main squeeze killed the poor kid. Greek myths are seriously messed up.

Anyway, look, what I’m getting at here is that I’m not quite convinced that we don’t add our own meanings onto what we interact with. OK, let’s apply mêtis, dispel the ‘illusion’ and see through reality to ‘really’ see what’s there but you’re still going to hear/read/see, or understand, a song/poem/film as how you interpret them. You simply cannot be objective, and indeed, according to Kingsley’s understanding of Parmy, knowing that you cannot be is the best outcome. Engage your senses, all of them and see reality for what it is. And while you can bask in the is-ness of existence you’re still going to pass a judgement on whether an ice-cream tastes good or not. Knowingly engaging with existence is the key to applying mêtis.

Just to add, with music, when you add music video into the equation a song meaning is forever changed from what you might have thought it was. Last weekend, that great 1993 song Runaway Train from Soul Asylum came on a televisionSoul Asylum station we were watching. I have very little time for music videos, I listen to music, I don’t watch it thank you very much. That’s not the idea of music but anyway, I’d never seen it before. I had always thought the song was about ‘running away’ from a bad girlfriend. Simple enough. Turns out the song, according to the video anyway, is all about abused children that have ran away from home because of the terrible situations they lived under and now the song is ruined. And it really was, turns out thanks to the milk cartons featuring the missing kids in the video some, not all, were found. It’s properly tragic. Now, I’ve ruined it for you. But you’ve probably seen it. Probably.

As teased in the intro I had yet another Peter Kingsley dream over the weekend. He had a wheel type of thing and inside the wheel was a smaller wheel that was geared to the larger one. The smaller one was powering the bigger one. He enlisted me for moral support and we hit up the Oxford and Cambridge Universities. He was going around from university department to university department trying, in vain, to convince professors he had reinvented the wheel and this was going to revolutionize the world. All the professors just told him to do one saying things like, ‘look, we already have that/that was invented yonks ago/what are ya at, ya plank, we’ve had wheels and gears for years, this doesn’t help anything’ Poor Peter was distraught, it’s one thing to be rejected over an email or in text, it’s another to get it to your face. So we went to the pub, had a few local ciders, are ciders local to Cambridge or Oxford? Are they even close to each other? Nobody knows. Well, they do know. English people do. I don’t. I’ll look it up. Oh, they’re like 140km apart. Which is ages away. Anyway, a few pints and I consoled Peter and that was that.

BeksinskiWe don’t need to go into what the dream means, it’s not exactly like trying to decipher a Beksiński painting but ask yourself; is the meaning you’re giving it based on my attitude to Peter Kingsley, is it based on your attitude to my attitude towards Peter Kingsley, is it based on your attitude towards Peter Kingsley, is it based on your attitude towards me?

Surely then we can agree that we give everything our own meaning? Sometimes though, we are given something. Kingsley argues in Reality and in In the Dark Places of Wisdom that Parmenides was given his teaching by Persephone and who am I to argue that he wasn’t? He says that Parmenides didn’t put any of his own spin on it and just delivered it as he received it. Even though Persephone does play a few tricks along the way. I’m convinced that Kingsley has the meaning of the poem spot on for what it is but let’s remember that what remains are something like 160-ish lines of a 600+ line poem and the 160 lines that did survive were recorded by someone else much later.

A week or so after I had my K&C with herself, the synchronicities were still popping but slowing down. One morning I heard a voice whisper ‘Amon Tobin’. If you don’t know Amon Tobin, he’s a Brazilian music producer living somewhere in England. Think Fourtet, RJD2, Moderrat…I call it shoegaze dance music. I’ve seen him live at least once, maybe more, I’ve been to an awful amount of festivals and can’t remember everyone I’ve seen but for sure I’ve seem him at least once, so I knew the name when I heard it. I spent most of that day researching him, trying to find out what the HGA was telling me. As I worked I listened to everything he had on Spotify, reading up on him as much as I could and was getting nothing. Just frustration. Which is slightly more than nothing yes but all I could think was, what am I missing here?

As night came I threw in the towel and gave up, which is the same thing but with added effect. Or so I thought I had. I was on YouTube looking at a few things and decided I’d check out his YT channel, below was the first video that came up. Something weird about it was the fact that it was uploaded on what is one of the most significant days of the year for me. It was too much of a synch to dismiss. On watching the video, the meaning was clear. Oh, it’s a NSFW video too, there’s a big, floppy dong in it.

The meaning of the video is quite obvious; take the leap of faith. But dear reader, my questions to you then are; was I given this or is that just the meaning I’ve put on it? And, for you, how many things have you been given to understand?