Imagine Being Original

Blog, The Great Work

The most difficult thing about writing isn’t the writing. That’s actually the easiest part. Writing well is obviously a little more difficult as there’s meant to, at least, be some editing involved but the toughest thing, for this version of whatever this incarnation is, seems to be the confidence to run with what ideas to write about. Only really on the days when I’m flat-out busy with the horses or something similar do I not think about writing something. But if you follow this blog you’ll know I don’t post often and that’s because 99.99% of the things I think about writing end up being tossed into the bin, three-pointer, Hail Mary-basketball-style shots of course. And swish ones too. Of course. We all play the hero and the victim at the same time don’t we? Oh, I’m so useless, I can’t write, pity me while I make this awesome three-pointer shot from across the court. 

Now, those 99.99% of my ideas can’t all be bad, can they? Of course not but let’s safely say that about half or even 70% are muck, then we’re left with about 30% of the ideas being good. Why don’t they make it to the page then Spud?

Well, I think I put on a good face but it’s this immense lack of confidence I have in myself and my abilities, mix this in with the overwhelming sense of imposter syndrome among the likes of my occult peers and you can quite quickly see why when I do come up with an idea that I’m toying to write about, I sit with it for a bit and then just think ‘ah fuck it, it’ll be shite and anyway, what exactly can I say that hasn’t been said before?’ This is the same old problem I seem to have had for years and years and years. And years and years and years. Donkey’s years as we’d say at home.

Tommie and I have spoken about this both on the podcast and in private too. I seem to have this nonsense idea that everything we do creatively should be original. Isn’t that impossible? Imagine a world where every song and every poem and every film and every newspaper article was original. We’d only have one love song in each language, or maybe we’d allow one per year? Actually that’s a terrible idea, it would all be done thanks to one of those heinous ‘Talent’ text-in shows that pollute weekend television. We’d have one break-up song for each tongue too. Now, there would be pluses to this. Adele wouldn’t have had a career, not that I bemoan her having a music career and becoming minted but y’know, all her songs are the same so she wouldn’t have made the cut. Unless she’d won my imaginary talent show that it. But messing aside, how can we be original? Is it possible? Maybe the only music on radio would be Jinx Lennon, imagine that world. And if you don’t know Jinx Lennon, well, take some time and wallow in his mighty weird-greatness.

Interestingly, Tommie used to be in a band with Jinx and when I was running the old music website I interviewed Jinx a number of times and went to tons of his gigs. Not a sync but also not, not a sync. 

The problem with trying to be unique and original is that while you quite clearly have ground-breaking artists like, say Radiohead or Zdzisław Beksiński or WB Yeats how original are they? Radiohead still use the same chords and notes and scales that are used by every single guitar player ever. Beksinski painted some pretty weird and scary and thought-provoking paintings but he wasn’t exactly the first to do that, he’s the best though and sure Yeats, jaysus Yeats was obsessed with a woman who barely had the time of day for him and when she did finally give in he gave her the most mediocre of 30 seconds ever given a lady. And Christ knows there’s nothing original about any of that.

I got a couple of cards from the divination bot on the Adventures in Woo Woo Discord today, the Librarian and the Lovers. I’d asked the ether what to pay attention to today. The quick definition for the Librarian is: ‘This Servant shows us the theory behind the subjects that interest us. She encourages us to study, and ever increase our knowledge.’ while the Lovers’ is: This Servant shows us how to love after the lust has subsided. They encourage us to connect on a deeper level with our partners so that sacred bonds are formed.

Christ on a bike, learn to love yourself Spud and get out of your own way. Ya eejit. But there’s more here, when I was on the Discord I was listening to a recent OEITH podcast, the one about our hero Duncan being touched by a sexy, nun ghost in his bed. He didn’t say she was a sexy, nun ghost, but all nun ghosts are sexy. That’s just fact. He was speaking about when the Buddha would encounter ghosts he would meet them head-on with some Metta, or Loving/Kindness and this would certainly fit with the common belief that ghosts are trapped or lost souls who can’t move on because of some trauma they cannot get passed. If we give love and kindness then they’ll surely see the issue isn’t with us and they’ll move on. Duncan could’ve gotten himself a ghost handjob out of it first and then gone with some Metta but sure he’ll know that for the next time it happens. But the moral of the story and the outlandish synch of him talking about Loving/Kindness at the exact same time as drawing the seond of these cards just bangs the nails further into the message of love, love, love.

Sister Fisty McWristy

Let’s reverse to the question of originality and uniqueness though for a moment. The reason we all want to be original is that we all think we’re unique even though we both are and aren’t at the same time. That’s non-duality baby! But then how can you be so low on confidence that you struggle to write yet have the arrogance to think you have to be original because you’re supposed to be unique? Why do our minds work in such riddles? Surely the answer is it’s because of our biases and conditioning and all that goes with it. So rather than trying to shoulder the imagined ‘pressure’ of having to deliver something original or unique the answer is surely to create what you want to and be damned if it’s not original. I’m still not sure where this idea came from – do a Binding on it the Magia lads would say – not that it really matters either way because the fact is that we don’t have to be original to be talented, I mean look at any orchestra around the world, they never break out into a jam session when they’re playing Mozart and they’re all still immensely talented musicians.

There’s one more element that the cards speak to though and I want to be careful with my words here. To learn to love myself means to love all the good and the bad and of late I’ve been having some let’s say issues with family members and because they are such a part of me and me of them then I also have to love that part of me. While it’s hard for me to see people who seem to be unhappy living their lives and indeed entering their twilight years not exactly in great mental health I will endeavor to feed the flame of the unconditional love I have for them. It’s not for me to say people are unhappy and it’s certainly not for me to fix anything when it hasn’t been asked for. It breaks my heart to see family unhappy but as many times as I’ve led horses to water you can’t make the nags drink. And that’s not to wash my hands of a situation it’s instead to say, look man, get a grip, it’s not your issue. Just be there, give love, be a good relation. When arguments starts, be above it and do your best to make good memories before the chance is gone.

I feel too as if I have some kind of issue with ancestors. Be they blood relations or ancestors in a sense of the path I’m on and they’ve been along a similar road. I still can’t quite place my finger on it – do a Binding eh? -. An urge came over me the other day to buy a candle, a bee’s wax candle, don’t use those petroleum ones for the love of God because you may as well be sucking off a car’s exhaust with them yokes. It would look nice on the mantlepiece and a nice way to remember them, even involve them over the Christ-a-mass, as it’s called in Dublin, if that’s possible? I don’t know where the idea came from but since the idea came to me there have been some synchronicities. You know, we’re all someone’s son or daughter and all of our parents have made mistakes and all of their parents and theirs too. It’s the nature of life, we are not perfect, we are not original, we are not unique, we’re not even all that different. We all bleed red and shit brown and the consciousness that experiences the world though my eyes is the same consciousness than experiences it through yours. But, look, we are here and alive and we owe it to the ones who have come before us, and who had it a whole lot tougher than us too, to live as well as we can and with as much love as we can because when it’s gone, that’s it, it’s gone.

 

Eliphas Levi

What is True Will?

Blog, The Great Work

Aleister Crowley was a scoundrel wasn’t he? Making mad claims like finishing the whole Abramelin shebang on the back of a donkey in a desert; writing pro-Kaiser articles during WWI, y’know, praising the baddies, (in fairness he was shrewd enough; getting coin for being a writer for a German newspaper and as a British informant), publishing a boatload of Golden Dawn rituals he’d sworn to keep secret. Ah y’know what, there’s little point in going into all the bad stuff Crowley did, we’d be here all day and some Thelemite is going get the hump and give me abuse and it’s not worth it. Arguing with a Thelemite is never worth it, they’re like Christian priests, they’ll bring you down to their level and beat you with experience. 

Suffice to say I’m not Crowley’s biggest fan and no doubt by now you’ll know my feelings on him from the TaSTA podcast and either way, it doesn’t really matter does it? An opinion is just an opinion and sure we can still all get along, hopefully. And anyway, we can all admit that his influence on occultism has been nothing short of immense. Arguably he done more for spirituality in the Western world than anyone else previously. A case could be made for Helena Blavatsky too of course but Crowley’s vastly superior output would see him win that debate surely. But if you added in Jesus then, ok, Jesus would win. 

What is True Will?

Eliphas LeviCrowley believed himself to be the reincarnation of a French chap called Eliphas Levi. Levi was an occultist, poet and author who wrote quite a bit about the term ‘True Will’. He argued that the grand purpose of magick was for a person to find their True Will, i.e. to find out what they were incarnated here to do. It’s a crying shame that thanks to the nonsensical, rampaging capitalist society we now live in many conflate this idea with what career they think they should have. More on that later though. Levi was also responsible for popularising the idea of Baphomet, he didn’t exactly invent it but his version of it is the one that has lasted into today and the added symbology and meaning that he attached to it has seen it cementing a home in the occult world. Best of all is it’s not a Satanic image at all, it was Levi’s idea of ‘the all’. Isn’t it mad how the world sees one thing and gives it meaning which totally contrasts with what it was meant to mean? It’s a bizarre world we live in.

To get back to True Will though, there are some quotes regarding True Will from Levi I’d like to have a stab at. There’s plenty around the internet that even a little digging will show you why Crowley had such a grá for the Frenchman. And indeed, it’s pretty easy to see why Crowley would at least have wanted to be the reincarnation of his French hero, they were singing from the same hymn sheet so it made sense. 

“The Great Work is, before all things, the creation of man by himself, that is to say, the full and entire conquest of his faculties and his future; it is especially the perfect emancipation of his will.” The Doctrine of Transcendental Magic.

Doesn’t take much to see what he’s getting at here, the Great Work, i.e.The Seven Operations of Alchemy enlightenment, awakening, individuation, samadhi etc. is nothing more than a person becoming the best version of themselves, achieved by their own doing and it is the process of freeing their soul. I can only speak from personal experience here but I would have to agree wholeheartedly with the above quote about what my experience of the Great Work has been. In the most simplest terms that I can put it into, for me it is; to endeavor to become the best human I can be. That begs the question though, how do you do that? The first step would have to be connected with the accumulation of knowledge, learning more about the self, the yin and yang, the good and bad, learning about our individual biases, conditionings etc, where they come from and the illusionary nature of them and learning more about spiritual practices to stay on the proper track. Let’s look at another:

“Every intention which does not assert itself by deeds is a vain intention, and the speech which expresses it is idle speech. It is action which proves life and establishes will.” The Doctrine of Transcendental Magic.

My spin on this then would be; Doing something that does not prove its worth in the very act of doing it is worthless and to speak about doing things which are akin to this are just a waste of breath. Mindful action is life and it helps creates the real person. Again, aren’t we looking at learning here, learning and meeting challenges? By doing, by creating and learning to create, by loving, by simply being we are living and carrying out our simple, collective destiny; to be. Knowing that we are ‘being’, this is what ‘free will’ is, the choice to know that we are here and alive via our senses and our mind and knowingly experiencing them without identifying with them. Basically, a distancing of the identified self from what the self is experiencing right now.

Finally then what would have to be my favourite from the quotes I’ve dug up from Levi.

 “Everything is possible to him who wills only what is true! Rest in Nature, study, know, then dare; dare to will, dare to act and be silent!” Transcendental Magic: Its Doctrine and Ritual.

The world is your oyster if you act with honour. Rest in nature, study and learn, be brave, be brave to be yourself and just. And don’t boast. Yes, I have to say this one speaks the loudest to me, it’s very stoic and y’know too, it’s something I should be more mindful of. I know too well that I can have a bit of a mouth on me at times and I feel I would be far better served and more in-tune with my own nature if I didn’t feel a need to impress others. Because when it boils down to it, what is an attempt to impress others other than an attempt to impress yourself because you don’t see yourself as an equal to your peers. Rural Ireland left me with a deep love of nature but also with about as much self-confidence as a lame dog coming into his last weeks in a government-funded shelter. 

What is True Will?

To enjoy nature and to learn. Man, Levi, were you alive today I’d be all over your newsletter and YouTube videos. There’s no point in going into my love of the outdoors here, you already know how much I love getting into forests or walking mountains or getting up on a horse, or doing all three at once. As for the learning part, what I honestly find so appealing about living is the constant learning and the challenges. Lord knows I’ve failed a million times at things and will do so again, and again but to learn from every experience fills this old nerd with excitement and yes, there have been plenty of times when I’ve not learnt something for years and years and it’s taken something drastic for it to smack me in the face but eventually it turns up. 

I remember in secondary school, high school for you lads across the water, we were learning about scibes in early, Christian Ireland, reading and learning the holy books and copying/rewriting them in Latin or Irish and that blew me away that you could have such an amazing job as learning and writing. Sign me up lads. I’d be a crap monk though in fairness, randy head on me, I’d be chasing village maidens and missing mass.

ThelemaWe can easily see then why Levi was such a hit with Crowley and far be it from me to say he wasn’t Levi reincarnated. He might well have been for all I know but just from those quotes alone we can learn a great deal from Levi and his ideas about what true will was.

Crowley obviously ran with the idea and even the name ‘Thelema’ more or less translates as ‘will’ and sure isn’t the process of Thelema all about reaching your true will/self?

What I find both cool and fascinating about Crowley’s Thelema is that for the small number of actual practitioners of the religion/philosophy/(can we say cult?) it’s had an incredible influence on occultism and spirituality. Everyone and his dog seems to be in search of their true will or Crossing the Abyss or trying to get a Tinder match with their Scarlet Woman and even with the Tarot cards, Crowley’s Thoth Tarot kicks ass compared to the, snore, Rider-Waite deck. 

But…there’s always a but isn’t there?…you read up on what True Will means to people and they harp on about nonsense like becoming a film maker, or a writer, or an artist, I even came across a video where the person said ‘content creator’. OK, look, let’s put the brakes on the judgementalism here and say, cool, at least these careers are creative. Imagine you undertake the Great Work in the Thelema vain and you get to K&C with the HGA and she turns around and says “Yea, look mate, you’re going to have to change your name to Nigel, get some brown suits and you’re going to be an accountant for the income tax department in Roscommon because that’s your True Will bucko”. Do you honestly think that True Will is a job? As a society we didn’t even really have jobs until what? A hundred years ago? Maybe a bit more if you’re from the heartland of the industrial revolution but I’m from rural Ireland and living in what would be classed as a rural town in Poland. Up until 50 years ago you either farmed some land or you built things and your purpose was simple; live as best you can, with honor and dignity, be just and help when called upon.

I struggled with the concept of True Will for an awful long time, well, not in the grand scheme of things and sure afterall, time isn’t real anyway, but you get me. Tell you what, I’ll put it another way. It was doing my head in. I’ve had all these amazing mystical experiences, I’ve spoken with gods and told Satan to blow me, felt the breath of angels and union with the One. I’ve even taken disco biscuits with Carl Jung, he some chap that lad. But, then to have this kind of grey cloud over my head, what am I supposed to be doing, what’s my True Will? Wasn’t I supposed to be writing books and scripts and screenplays and horsing speedballs into me on the Copacabana by now?

No, I wasn’t. Because if I was I would be doing them all now. And what am I doing instead? Learning and being and being and learning and sharing what’s been learnt along the way to help if possible. Much love brothers and sisters, our True Will is one and the same.

persephone and aphrodite

We Find Meaning Where We Want To, Don’t We?

Blog, The Great Work

ParmenidesPeter Kingsley’s name comes up a good bit around these parts and on the TaSTA podcast too. I’m just finishing up his book Reality, it’s the first edition, I only mention that because there’s a fairly recent second edition and I’m curious as to what’s been added or amended. I had another dream about Peter again last weekend, a more previous one involved him and Rupert Spira renting pedal boots at a lake and then Peter trying to sell me drugs. I was awful disappointed. Anyway, I had another over the weekend but we’ll get to it. In this article I want to jump into where we get meaning from.

Reality is our first port of call. Please turn to pages 288/9 of Kingsley’s book, where we’re told the following…it’s pretty grim, well, it is but it also isn’t. Because it’s Parmenides and he’s always pulling a fast one. Big mêtis head on him, the cullián:

Really to understand that we are trapped, held fast in bonds, that there is nowhere else to go, no possibility of transcen­dence, is devastating. It knocks the bottom out of everything we once thought we knew.

All of a sudden we are faced, inescapably, with the horrifying reality of what before might have seemed such an attractive ideal— the terrors of complete­ness. For in the experience of completeness there is nothing to become. There is nothing else to look forward to. The endless searching is over.

The greatest single trick of existence is to make us forget we are trapped, because then we are hopelessly trapped. When we keep believing we are free, that’s bondage. And paradoxi­cally the greatest freedom of all lies in knowing without the smallest room for doubt that one is trapped, because then the struggling and pretending stops.

ParmenidesThis is all sounding pretty grim isn’t it. If I’d read that as a suicidal teenager I might have been tempted to end it all there and then. What’s the point of going on? There’s literally nothing else and it doesn’t get any better, well, it does but only when you see through the ‘illusion’ that there is an alternative and that when do you see that you just have to accept it. You can, of course, choose to opt out if you so wish. I’d recommend though that you don’t. You’re a long time dead and it sounds pretty boring from anyone that’s come back. Anyway, back to uncle Pete…

And yet all we need to do is to turn our awareness back, at every moment, to its source.

It only takes the slightest shift in consciousness, the sub­tlest movement of awareness, and instead of being bound and helpless we are binding the binder. We have completed the circle, inside and outside ourselves. Then the bonds and boundaries of existence are not in some far-off place any more, at the illusory edges of the cosmos.

They are wherever we happen to be. And we are absolutely free — not because we are free from something but because we contain everything, every perception and thought, inside our­selves.
This is the experience of utter stillness: more exquisite, more full, than anything under the sun.
And so Parmenides leaves us just where we found him, right in the middle of our very ordinary life. Or so it seems. For if you have understood anything at all in what he says, you will have realized that there is no leaving.
There are no comings, or goings; no goodbyes. And there most definitely is no death.

Oh well, thank God for that. What Parmy is really trying to tell us about is samadhi, awakening, enlightenment etc. Being-ness and Is-ness is all there is and I’ve written about that before and probably will again too. Thankfully though Parmy has shown us the truth though, it looked like he was telling us to find the nearest high bridge and get it all over and done with. Noel Gallagher

Sorry that the quote is so long but I just want to show here that we tend to find meaning and attach meaning to the things that we already kind of identify with. You see, Kingsley is going to go with the depressing stuff first, he always does but it’s in that depression that he finds hope. And I really like that about him. Oasis’ Noel Gallagher used to do the same thing in his Oasis songs, kick off with something depressing and sad but find the kernel of hope. Peter Kingsley then is Noel Gallagher. Oasis were the guitar band for people who didn’t normally like guitar music; Kingsley is the philosopher for people who don’t normally read philosophy. 

persephone and aphroditeNo, come on now, I’m being facetious, mean and not very nice. Well, yes, I am but there’s also truth to it. Look, there’s no getting around that Kingsley’s knowledge is pretty fantastic regarding Parmy, although, equating Persephone with Aphrodite in a kind of erotic Yin-Yang, death-vs-sex, all-girl, all-goddess-duality is a bit of a stretch, seeing as Aphrodite was her aunt/great aunt, depending on certain myths and/or also, a rival in love for Adonis. Indeed it was Aphrodite who made Hades fall in love with Persephone in the first place and it all went sour for the poor girl after that. Didn’t Zeus bone her too? He took the guise of a serpent and did, they had a child; Zagreus and then Hera, Zeus’ main squeeze killed the poor kid. Greek myths are seriously messed up.

Anyway, look, what I’m getting at here is that I’m not quite convinced that we don’t add our own meanings onto what we interact with. OK, let’s apply mêtis, dispel the ‘illusion’ and see through reality to ‘really’ see what’s there but you’re still going to hear/read/see, or understand, a song/poem/film as how you interpret them. You simply cannot be objective, and indeed, according to Kingsley’s understanding of Parmy, knowing that you cannot be is the best outcome. Engage your senses, all of them and see reality for what it is. And while you can bask in the is-ness of existence you’re still going to pass a judgement on whether an ice-cream tastes good or not. Knowingly engaging with existence is the key to applying mêtis.

Just to add, with music, when you add music video into the equation a song meaning is forever changed from what you might have thought it was. Last weekend, that great 1993 song Runaway Train from Soul Asylum came on a televisionSoul Asylum station we were watching. I have very little time for music videos, I listen to music, I don’t watch it thank you very much. That’s not the idea of music but anyway, I’d never seen it before. I had always thought the song was about ‘running away’ from a bad girlfriend. Simple enough. Turns out the song, according to the video anyway, is all about abused children that have ran away from home because of the terrible situations they lived under and now the song is ruined. And it really was, turns out thanks to the milk cartons featuring the missing kids in the video some, not all, were found. It’s properly tragic. Now, I’ve ruined it for you. But you’ve probably seen it. Probably.

As teased in the intro I had yet another Peter Kingsley dream over the weekend. He had a wheel type of thing and inside the wheel was a smaller wheel that was geared to the larger one. The smaller one was powering the bigger one. He enlisted me for moral support and we hit up the Oxford and Cambridge Universities. He was going around from university department to university department trying, in vain, to convince professors he had reinvented the wheel and this was going to revolutionize the world. All the professors just told him to do one saying things like, ‘look, we already have that/that was invented yonks ago/what are ya at, ya plank, we’ve had wheels and gears for years, this doesn’t help anything’ Poor Peter was distraught, it’s one thing to be rejected over an email or in text, it’s another to get it to your face. So we went to the pub, had a few local ciders, are ciders local to Cambridge or Oxford? Are they even close to each other? Nobody knows. Well, they do know. English people do. I don’t. I’ll look it up. Oh, they’re like 140km apart. Which is ages away. Anyway, a few pints and I consoled Peter and that was that.

BeksinskiWe don’t need to go into what the dream means, it’s not exactly like trying to decipher a Beksiński painting but ask yourself; is the meaning you’re giving it based on my attitude to Peter Kingsley, is it based on your attitude to my attitude towards Peter Kingsley, is it based on your attitude towards Peter Kingsley, is it based on your attitude towards me?

Surely then we can agree that we give everything our own meaning? Sometimes though, we are given something. Kingsley argues in Reality and in In the Dark Places of Wisdom that Parmenides was given his teaching by Persephone and who am I to argue that he wasn’t? He says that Parmenides didn’t put any of his own spin on it and just delivered it as he received it. Even though Persephone does play a few tricks along the way. I’m convinced that Kingsley has the meaning of the poem spot on for what it is but let’s remember that what remains are something like 160-ish lines of a 600+ line poem and the 160 lines that did survive were recorded by someone else much later.

A week or so after I had my K&C with herself, the synchronicities were still popping but slowing down. One morning I heard a voice whisper ‘Amon Tobin’. If you don’t know Amon Tobin, he’s a Brazilian music producer living somewhere in England. Think Fourtet, RJD2, Moderrat…I call it shoegaze dance music. I’ve seen him live at least once, maybe more, I’ve been to an awful amount of festivals and can’t remember everyone I’ve seen but for sure I’ve seem him at least once, so I knew the name when I heard it. I spent most of that day researching him, trying to find out what the HGA was telling me. As I worked I listened to everything he had on Spotify, reading up on him as much as I could and was getting nothing. Just frustration. Which is slightly more than nothing yes but all I could think was, what am I missing here?

As night came I threw in the towel and gave up, which is the same thing but with added effect. Or so I thought I had. I was on YouTube looking at a few things and decided I’d check out his YT channel, below was the first video that came up. Something weird about it was the fact that it was uploaded on what is one of the most significant days of the year for me. It was too much of a synch to dismiss. On watching the video, the meaning was clear. Oh, it’s a NSFW video too, there’s a big, floppy dong in it.

The meaning of the video is quite obvious; take the leap of faith. But dear reader, my questions to you then are; was I given this or is that just the meaning I’ve put on it? And, for you, how many things have you been given to understand?

god of the moon, sacred texts, mathematics, the sciences, magic, messenger and recorder of the deities, master of knowledge, and patron of scribes

Thoth Be, or Not Thoth Be

Blog, Mysticism, The Great Work

On Sunday night just past (3-10-21) I was particularly tired, it had been a long week workwise and between doing a few things around the house, keeping the kids busy I was shattered tired by 9pm on Sunday night. But being the good glutton for punishment that I am I soldiered on for another hour and a half before bed.

When I finally did lay my head down it wasn’t long before that feeling came on me again and I knew a vision was coming. There seems to be two times when these are most likely, when I’m fasting or when I’m dog-tired. But honestly, I don’t want to force myself to the point of exhaustion every time I’m to have one of these. Anyway, as I felt it coming on the first thing I could, for want of a better word, see, (or maybe experience is a better way to phrase it?) were fractals, black and silver and white. Where the black met the white there was always a slight line of silver to keep them apart. There was kind of a mirror sheen off of them as well and like a kaleidoscope they were constantly, but slowly changing their form.

1980s Want Their Reference Back Old Timer

What it reminded me of in the instant was…d’ya remember that flip Rubik’s game thing, I’ve just learnt it was called Rubik’s Magic (hmmm) that came out after the initial 1980s Rubik’s Cube madness? Yes, I’m older than you, probably, showing how long in the tooth I am here but, if you don’t, they looked like the image to the right. The one on the right side of the photos is usually what you ended up with, the one on the left is the correctly-completed one. Anyway, what I saw/experienced was a giant fractal, just out of arms reach, constantly changing like a kaleidoscope, black, silver and white all interchanging and evolving and it, well, shined and it’s movements reminded me of this Rubik’s Magic puzzle.

It could have lasted 10 minutes, it could have been 10 seconds. It could have been an hour. I have no idea. Time seems to just disappear when these things happen. One second you’re lying in bed the next you’re just, I don’t know how to explain it but I’ll try, it’s almost like you’re beyond it all, suspended outside time and space. It doesn’t even feel like time stops or slows down, most of us have experienced that, like when you’re in a crash or something dangerous is happening around you, time seems to kind of slow down. It’s to do with becoming intently focused on what’s going on around you so you can react in the best possible way and either get the hell out of danger or face it head on. It’s not the same as that. Time just isn’t a factor, it’s not that it doesn’t exist because if it didn’t exist you’d know what it is for it to not exist. Time just isn’t.

Yea, look, I don’t know what to make of it either. I hope I’m explaining it in a way that you can understand it. In John Higgs new book about William Blake (William Blake Vs the World) he talks about what it must be like to try and explain a feeling to someone that’s never had it before, or explaining a colour to someone who has no concept of colours. This feels a bit like this as I write it. No doubt, this can all be easily dismissed as the ravings of a lunatic but, ah well, I can only stare off into the distance and sigh you-weren’t-there-man, you weren’t there. And then Creedence Clearwater Revival’s Fortunate Son kicks in.

Fractal vs Mandala

This fractal, or was it a mandala? What’s the difference? A fractal is a never-ending pattern that repeats itself at differing scales while a mandala is a geometric doohickey that represents the universe. It would seem then that the difference is the mandala has the complexity within it, while a fractal changes and evolves its complexity as it scales up. OK, what I experienced then was a fractal. The fractal anyway gives way and there’s a pastel ombre, I want to say background but it’s more like a landscape but it’s also not a landscape as in when you watch a film and you know it’s not a real background it’s like a background from a 1970s Clint Eastwood Western. It looks real but it only looks real, it’s not.

This lingers for a while and it it changes from being ‘pretend real’ to having a sense of life about it. Then I notice it moves to the rhythm of my breathing. I didn’t even know I was breathing until I noticed it. Is this what morphic resonance could look like? Is any of this making sense?

Thoth Be, or Not Thoth Be

Then the proverbial hits the fan. From nowhere a massive figure appears from below the pastelgod of the moon, sacred texts, mathematics, the sciences, magic, messenger and recorder of the deities, master of knowledge, and patron of scribes background and he’s suddenly towering above me and I am so utterly and totally tiny and infinitely tiny. It’s Thoth. Well, mostly it’s Thoth. It’s Thoth but with a different beak. Thoth is almost always depicted as having a long beak, from the Ibis bird apparently. However, as he looms above me he seems to have what looks more like a puffin’s beak. Maybe this was done for comedic effect so as not to scare the living bejaysus out of me. No idea.

I grow a pair then and I ask ‘Who are you?’ He says ‘I am Las(s), Lord of Peace.’ He may have said ‘god’ and not ‘lord’ but it was certainly one of them. Then he says ‘Spread Peace’.

And then he’s gone and I’m drifting off to sleep begging myself to remember all this in the morning. Since then I’ve been looking up ‘las’ and getting very little. Las is used in Spanish and it’s basically a plural of ‘the’ so it’s pretty useless for symbolism. The only other language that I could find that has a word ‘las’ is Polish and it means ‘forest’. Maybe there’s a Pan connection here? In Greek mythology Thoth is kind of the same as Hermes but there are some differences and Hermes was Pan’s father. Thanks Bera for pointing it out to me.

Of course I turned to the oracle that is Tommie Kelly and asked for his opinion on it all. Of course he pointed out straight away that it could have been ‘lass’ and not ‘las’. Lass obviously meaning ‘girl,’ a word commonly heard in Scotland, Ulster and Northern England. He also turned up an ancient pre-Arabic goddess called Al-Lat/Allat/Allatu/Alilat who was basically the Devine Feminine from that part of the world.

The Egyptian Museum website describes Thoth as:

‘god of the moon, sacred texts, mathematics, the sciences, magic, messenger and recorder of the deities, master of knowledge, and patron of scribes.’

He’s pretty kickass in fairness but if it was him, why give me a different name? Does ‘las’ here having something to do with knowledge in nature, i.e. the Polish translation of ‘las’ or was he calling himself ‘lass’ as a female to turn my attention to the Devine Feminine again?

The 40 Servants

The 40 Servants, the Librarian, the Depleted, the Guru.I pulled out my 40 Servants Deck on Monday night and did a three card reading. Two cards for interpretation, one for advice. For the first two cards I got The Librarian and the Depleted. Seems to fit, Thoth was a big nerd, so if any 40 Servants card is going to fit him it’s The Librarian. And my old friend, The Depleted, Spud mate, you’ve got to give it all up, exhaust yourself and run to the ends of the earth to get what you’re looking for. You’ve got to get past winter and the tough times but renewal is not far off. Keep going. I like The Depleted in fairness, means there’s a reward at the end of the hard labour.

The Guru then for the advice. Use the lessons you’ll learn or have learnt in your day to day life. I will. Peace man, I love you all. I don’t want to close this chapter yet though, maybe on the next TaSTa we’ll get the bossman to give his interpretation of the cards.